Ramen Flavored Love
by Purr
Summary: Naruto x SM Only one guy is crazy enough to tempt fate and fall in love with the sister of Itachi and Sasuke... or maybe he just failed in a previous suicide attempt.
1. Chapter 1

AN: A two parts mini belated Valentine's story, enjoy. All kneel to the great Cygnea-chan for making the corrections to this chapter! Thank you so much for becoming my beta!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Part 1

A shrill cry in the early afternoon froze everyone in the academy from their daily routines, before everyone ran towards the locker room, kunai drawn, posed for any kind of attack on the only academy for the ninja arts in Konoha.

Instead…

A blond girl stood as still as a statue and stared into her locker, the cry dying from her lips, her large sapphire eyes impossibly wide in shock.

The girl known as Uchiha Usagi stared at the strange package inside her locker, and the package stared back before…

"Take that Itachi-niichan, Sasuke-niichan!" The strange girl punched the air in front of her in a victorious movement while she fished out the strange little package from her locker. "I will not be left behind in the game of love!" Everyone watching sweat dropped at the declaration.

Uchiha Usagi, the youngest and only girl of the three infamous Uchiha siblings. With both Itachi and Sasuke already graduated, one worked as a prestigious ANBU captain (the youngest in the history of Konoha to be promoted to such a position), while the other was under the guidance of the famous Copy Ninja Kakashi (rumored to be the first batch of genins the eccentric jounin ever passed), the young girl was only in her first year at the academy.

Even though she might not have the legendary Uchiha looks, aka the cool dark mysterious sexiness, there was no denying that Usagi was a beauty on her own level. Instead of darkness, her looks inspired thoughts of sunlight and happiness, and at the young mature age of seven years old, she was the very definition of adorableness, and no one could ever resist those large sparkling eyes, especially not her dear brothers. Ever the responsible, stubborn, testosterone overdosed, over protective older brothers that they were, Itachi and Sasuke had taken upon them to watch over their baby sister every single second of the day… figuratively speaking of course.

However, even though her looks were opposite of those of the Uchiha genes, there was no doubt that sometimes her manners and personality was a carbon copy of those of her brothers, not to mention the freaky genius streak that ran dominant in every single member of that family. At the tender age of five, even before she entered the Academy, she mastered the katon goukakyuu no jutsu, an advanced fire jutsu only chuunin level or above could use, even though it was the most basic jutsu for the Uchiha family. Surprise was that the only reason she managed to master such a technique was out of spite for Sasuke. The younger Uchiha boy was closer in age to the young girl, and therefore had taken it upon himself to boss his little sister (and spoil her) to no end. After learning that Sasuke only mastered the katon jutsu at the ripe old age of six, the bunny determined to beat Sasuke's record, just so that she could rub it in his face when his friends were over.

There was no doubt that there was great love and a strong bond between the three Uchiha siblings, but there was also no misunderstanding of the poorly hidden competition between Itachi, Sasuke, and Usagi. Especially with Usagi, because of the countless ways her brothers babied her.

The latest reason Usagi refused to speak to Itachi and Sasuke started from a surprising beginning. The blonde girl had often heard Sasuke complain about his infamous 'fan club', and how difficult it was even for him to avoid all the insane girls sometimes. Being the innocent little girl she was, Usagi asked her okaa-san what a 'fan club' was, only to be pleasantly surprised that the 'Official Sasuke-kun Fan Club' was a 'small' organization comprised of girls who loved… err… infatuated, err… had unhealthy obsessions… with her brother. For the longest time the little girl was bewildered by such an idea… who would like Sasuke?! Yucky, was the first thought that sprung to her mind. Upon more probing, it was discovered that Itachi also had his own 'fan club', and it was even more impressive than Sasuke's - where the 'Official Sasuke-kun Fan Club' consisted roughly of 230 genin, the 'Official Itachi-san Fan Club' had more than 500 members, ranging from genin to ANBU (and some already married housewives).

Yosh! Uchiha Usagi now had a new goal in mind! She would inspire a fan club that would outnumber any of Itachi and Sasuke's fan clubs added together. With that in mind, Usagi had asked her two devilishly handsome brothers for advice. There had to be an Uchiha secret… It was probably something that they each inherited from the DNA and pass down through the blood.

However… Itachi's advice, given in his usual serious bedroom voice, had been, "Ignore them, and if that doesn't work try glaring at them. Uchiha glare number eight usually works very well. On the rare occasion that there's one who manages to survive through the glare, you can then resort to death treats. They usually love that." Sasuke, on the other hand, reacted totally different. When he heard about the idea of his innocent little flower of a baby sister was going out to attract wild bees, he took it upon himself to single out every last boy in the academy. After a private conversation with each in the abandoned academy basement (it was abandoned for a reason… rumor had it that a student failed to graduate ten times and committed suicide there… according to Iruka-sensei), none of the boys came to school for a while week, all claiming different versions of the same story: they did not want to piss off the devil.

Throughout Usagi's entire time at the academy, only one brave soul had enough guts to seek the bunny's love. After all, even though Usagi took Itachi's advice to heart (she ignored, she glared, and she made death threats), being Usagi made everything she said and did seem… just too adorable! So it was a dark day when poor Sai-kun (no one remembered his last name anymore, or maybe they just didn't dare to) from class 4 shyly handed a single red rose to Usagi and asked her to share his bento. That was the last time anyone ever saw poor Sai-kun.

It was rumored that shortly after, Itachi accidentally did a legendary Uchiha irreversible genjutsu on poor Sai-kun, and the poor boy was never the 'same' afterwards. Of course all this was before Sasuke went berserk and rampaged all the way to Sai-kun's home and threatened to castrate the poor boy with a rusty old kunai… and we all know how much that would hurt. Indeed, the Hokage had to place a restraining order on the Uchiha boys to give Sai-kun's family to escape from Konoha in the dead of the night.

After the last attempt made by Sai, no matter how adorable and huggable Uchiha Usagi was, she was just that, an Uchiha, and no boy in their sane mind who wanted to see their next birthday in one functioning piece dared to even look Usagi longer than the time limit of 0.2 second. (It was an unofficial rule established by Sasuke). Therefore, it was frustrating to say the least for Usagi that after being in school for so long, she still had not accomplished what she had set out to do: beat Itachi and Sasuke's fan club record.

Therefore, it was a pleasant shock when she opened her locker, ready to change her shoes to go home, that she discovered her first official 'love gift' ever. Everyone present, including the sensei, shook their head and mentally prayed for the poor brave idiot who just slapped down a challenge in front of both Itachi and Sasuke… He either had a death wish or maybe failed in a previous suicide attempt.

"Nani?!" Gone was the cool, controlled Uchiha temper. Instead the blonde girl stared at the newly unwrapped package of…

"Limited Edition: Cherry Flavored Ramen." Iruka-sensei was the brave one that broke the silence.

What the hell happened to expensive boxes of Belgium chocolates, the cute fuzzy plushies, and newly grown roses? Weren't they the standard love gifts? Did the world really change that much since the time Sasuke graduated? Was giving ramen the newest 'in' at the academy now… or did someone accidentally leave their groceries in her locker… even though it was wrapped in a pretty paper with bunnies in an orange background. Her sharp mind immediately started to analyze all the explanations that could justify this unusual occurrence. However…

"Congratulations, Usagi-kun, on receiving your first gift," Iruka-sensei patted his student on the shoulder. It was a well-known fact that there was always some kind of insane rivalry between the Uchiha siblings (he of course taught both Itachi and Sasuke before the current Usagi).

"This must be a mistake, sensei," The blue eyes blinked again. Maybe if she glared at the ramen hard enough, she could turn it into those chocolates she saw on TV. "Maybe someone put their lunch in my locker by mistake," Even as the words left her mouth, she knew it was highly unlikely.

"Well, if it was any other ramen flavor, that might be a possibility, but this is a limited edition," Iruka explained. "Each ten years the Ichiraku restaurant comes out with a special flavor ramen said to be an unforgettable experience for ramen lovers all around the world, and not everyone can get their hands on such a flavor. Only ten packages are made all over the country." He remembered from a conversation he had with Naruto when his former student had came to him for some advice a couple of days ago. "Whoever got you this present must have gone through a lot of trouble, Usagi-chan. He must have wanted to give you something very special."

A frown appeared on her round face as Usagi thought about the sensei's words. Nodding, she gathered her things and walked out of the school.

The second the Uchiha bunny left the vicinity, all hell broke lose inside the school.

"Was it you?"

"It bet it's Shin-kun from class five, he's been staring at Usagi-san longer than the 0.2 second, I swear!"

"No, no. It has to be Taru Asa from year two, I saw him stalking Uchiha-san around the academy."

Iruka sighed as he felt the sparks of hostility sizzle in the air as all the male students glared at each other. Now that there was a brave competitor for the object of their affection, they had all but forgotten about the two elder Uchiha siblings, the all too feared Itachi and Sasuke who constantly loomed over their baby sister.

Shaking his head, the Chuunin went back to his office. His sixth sense told him that none of his male students would show up to school tomorrow, and if Itachi and Sasuke still had not tracked down the perpetrator who dared to show his unworthy affections on their imouto, then all hell would break loose. No man between the ages of seven to forty would be safe from the wrath of those two Uchihas.

Maybe he should warn Kakashi (to restrain Sasuke) and the Hokage (to send Itachi on a LONG mission VERY far away)…

AN: Lol, sorry for the OCC in the story, but no matter how much I look at I think it's very possible for Itachi and Sasuke to be over protective older brothers ; And yes, Usagi is their little sister… maybe she got her looks from recessive Uchiha genes or something, hehe let your imagination run wild. I've been re-watching Naruto and unfortunately my obsession with that series is coming back in full force ; The Uchiha massacre did not happen and let's all pretend that Itachi, Sasuke, and Usagi are one big happy loving dysfunctional family


	2. Chapter 2

AN: First of all, thanks to everyone who reviewed! I'm so happy that there are people out there who appreciate my messed up sense of humor, yeah… I'm not alone in this cold ,cold world. Alas, I am very sorry to inform everyone that instead of completing the story with this chapter, there will probably be one or two more chapters… seeing how I'm under the attack of the evil plot bunnies. All hail the great Cygnea-chan for beta-ing all the chapters!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything

Chapter 1

A dark eyebrow twitched in annoyance. His sixth sense told him that something was not right. The black eyes narrowed and glared at everyone on the street. Sure, he didn't have the best day of the year; actually, when he got up this morning, something just told him that maybe he should've stayed in bed and pretended there was no training that day. But of course, being the Uchiha that he was, Sasuke ignored the common sense… which was why he was now walking home with the largest grimace ever. In all of his memories, he had never been beaten by someone his own age before, and least of all, by that dobe of a teammate. How could he have been so careless? Usagi.

Ah yes, that was it. He woke up after a horrible nightmare about all the boys in the village spying on his baby sister while she was bathed in the hot spring. Needless to say, he woke up the whole house with his scream of horror. It took both Itachi and their father to prevent him from locking Usagi inside her room for the rest of her life and fortifying the lock with chains and seals.

The day went downhill from there. Not only did okaa-san send him out without breakfast (as punishment for even mentioning of locking her only daughter away), he was ambushed three times on the way to the training ground where he normally met his team. Due to the fact that he was starving by the time the third group of rabid fan girls attacked him, he barely made it out of their evil clutches in one piece. As it was, his new blue Uchiha clan t-shirt was now in tatters, and he had a hell of a time kicking those claws away from peeling his white shorts off in the process too.

Those damned fan girls, one day… one day he would be able to do what he had always wanted. An evil laugh threatened to escape from his lips. First, after he gained the sharingan, he would bewitch those stupid little girls with a genjutsu and make them fall in love with the ugliest, stupidest boy alive (the name Naruto came to his mind, but even Naruto didn't deserve that kind of torture), or maybe he would just make them fall in love with a monkey or pig. If in the one in million chance that he failed to develop the sharingan, then he would just gather them up in a secluded forest and do the katon jutsu on them. They were stupid enough to fall for it too, and they would make a lovely bonfire all right. Muhahaha… Maybe he should share the plan with Itachi (who after all, had an even larger following and probably even more headaches) – double the fun and the fire.

Sasuke sighed and rubbed his jaw, which was still a little sore from the punch that Naruto managed to land on him. He had been thinking about his ungrateful bratty little sister all through sparring with his teammate and didn't even notice when Naruto's fist came flying at him. Everyone expected Sasuke to dodge, heck even Sasuke himself did, but nothing happened. The blond idiot stood in shock with his fist still connected to Sasuke's face, as the dark haired boy did nothing but stare at the other boy in surprise. In the background he could hear Sakura screaming in horror and threatening to beat up Naruto for ruining the Uchiha's good looks, while Kakashi did nothing but look up from his damn porn and eye smiled at them.

Seeing how no one was in the mood after the punch (Naruto wanted to celebrate his first victory over his rival, while Sakura wanted to bring Sasuke back to her house so that she could play the naughty nurse game with him, and Sasuke only wanted to find his sister and lock her away), and since there was no mission for them that day, Kakashi ended training early. The three deserved a break from time to time.

Sasuke's hand twitched again as he brushed the place where he usually carried his kunai. The strangest thing had happened right after Kakashi announced that training was done for the day: Iruka-sensei had teleported to their training ground in a poof of smoke. After a few words between the two sensei and a lot of staring and pointing at him, the chuunin disappeared again in another poof of smoke, leaving a smirking Kakashi. Well, he kind of looked like he was smirking; one could never really tell what went on behind that annoying mask. Without even asking Sasuke for permission, the jounin had, in a blink of an eye, confiscated all of his weapons. The dark eyebrow twitched again as Sasuke remembered the answer Kakashi gave him after he demanded his weapons back.

"Can't have you running around and castrating random innocent people, now can we?" Kakashi had said in his usual lazy drawl, while he did his trademark eye smile again. "Don't worry; you'll get everything back as soon as we stabilize the condition first."

Condition? What condition? And why would Kakashi think that he ran around and castrated people for fun? He wasn't insane, and as long as those perverts kept their hands and eyes to themselves and not on his baby sister then there was no reason why he had to remove their family jewels and scoop their eyeballs out. He was a rational person after all.

Kakashi definitely knew something he didn't, Sasuke thought as he walked towards the Uchiha compound, glaring again at the people around him. Something was wrong… Where were all the men and boys? His question was answered when he finally saw one guy walk towards him, however when the nameless man saw him, the ninja physically shook in fear, backed away a couple of feet and teleported away in a poof of smoke.

The day was getting weirder and weirder. As he walked down the street, the young Uchiha couldn't help but notice that the few males on the street either ran away or teleported away if they saw him, or if they weren't ninja they would look down and walk away as fast as possible with their hands covering their crotch. Stranger yet were the random women who walked up and begged him to spare their sons.

What did he do again? For once, he wished that someone would explain to him, but it seemed like every time he opened his mouth to ask, the people on the busy street disappeared faster than Naruto when the boy was hungry for ramen.

Speaking of the devil, the dark eyes landed on a familiar sight right in front of Ichiraku. That idiot of a teammate was standing outside the little restaurant, a look of hunger on his face. Poor Naruto didn't even notice the small drop of drool that was threatening to fall from the corner of his mouth. Sasuke shook his head. How did he ever get grouped together with a dobe like Naruto?

"Yo Naruto."

The blonde boy jumped a foot high when his name was called. "What the hell do you want, bastard?! You scared the crap out of me!"

"Why are you standing outside?"

Naruto scratched his head as he thought of an answer. His stomach, however, decided to do that for him, letting out a growl loud enough to be heard by the dark haired genius.

Sasuke smirked. "Don't tell me you used up all your money again, dobe. We just got paid last week for the previous mission."

His teammate grinned foolishly and looked at Ichiraku longingly (he was too hungry to come up with a good comeback), catching the wisps of the delicious ramen smell that drifted out. "Hey, it's not my fault that everything is so expensive now, plus it's not like dinner is waiting for me at home anyways." The last sentence came out in a murmur.

The Uchiha boy sighed. No matter how much Naruto annoyed him at times, he was technically the first friend Sasuke made. "Okaa-san is making okonomiyaki for dinner tonight. If you want, you can come over for dinner."

The blue eyes widened. "AHHHH! Who are you and what have you done with Sasuke?!" Naruto leapt back a mile away and pointed his finger accusingly at the dark haired boy.

"Fine, if you'd rather starve, be that way," Sasuke glared. This would teach him about being nice. He wasn't surprised when his blond teammate shut up immediately and would have hugged Sasuke if the Uchiha didn't send his trademark glare in time.

* * *

"WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU DONE TO MY SISTER, HARUNO?!"

Everything in Konoha came to a standstill. For once, the outburst did not come from Konoha's number one loud mouth…

"Welcome home, Sasuke-niichan." The youngest Uchiha sibling had the nerve to smirk at her stunned older brother as her partner in crime hid behind her in fear, despite the fact that Sakura was a couple of years older than the blonde. She had never seen Sasuke this mad before, she didn't even need imagination to see the smoke coming out of his ears, not to mention the glare he was sending her was sharp enough to skin any chicken alive… It was a good thing that after spending so much time with him on the same team, she was kind immune to his glare of death. Maybe instead of being skinned alive, she would be able to go home alive but with a bad burn instead.

"Sasuke!"

If it wasn't for his many hours of training in front of the mirror (to master the trademark Uchiha emotionless expression), the dark haired boy would've cried out in pain when his ear was pinched none too gently. Unfortunately, if there was one female in all of Konoha who he was afraid of… it was his mother.

"Is this how you treat your friend and teammate?" Uchiha Mayumi glared at her younger son. "Your father will be so disappointed in you. How dare you swear at Sakura-chan when she's so sweet to drop by and play with Usagi-chan. It's nice to have more feminine influence around your imouto from time to time you know."

Sasuke would have pulled at his hair because of the injustice of it all if Sakura and Naruto wasn't there, and, of course, he didn't miss the smug look Usagi gave him. He glared back with a silent promise of death later.

"That still doesn't give her the right to play dress up with MY imouto that way!" Indeed, the intensity of his glare increased several levels as he looked at the abomination caused by Haruno's handy work. Girl or not, tomorrow…

"What's wrong with the way I'm dressed, onii-chan?" The bunny smiled sweetly at her brother. "I actually like it; it's a nice change from all the dark gloomy colors you and Itachi-niichan force me to wear all the time." The blonde wrinkled her nose in distaste. Actually, she was a little scared too when Sakura came over with bags and bags of clothes. Everything was so…for the lack of a better word…pink…but now that she saw the horrified expression on Sasuke's face, maybe it was worth it to drown herself in all the pinkness.

"What's wrong with the way you're dressed?! You look like a freaking human Hello Kitty! That's what's wrong!"

"I don't see anything wrong with that. Okaa-san likes it too," Usagi stuck out her tongue and twirled the long pink ribbon in her hair between her fingers. "Sakura-chan said that I can keep this outfit too." The bunny looked down at the frilly baby pink dress she was wearing. The outfit had matching hair ribbons, earrings, pink silk necklace and bracelets, completed with a pink Hello Kitty purse. All in all, Sasuke had never seen so much pink inside the Uchiha compound before and all concentrated in one place. It was enough for him to wish that he could gorge out his eyeballs with a spoon.

A certain pink haired demon will be painfully and slowly tortured and killed tomorrow. She would experience first hand the heat of his katon goukakyuu no jutsu. He would show no mercy to anyone who was an evil influence to his adorable little sister.

Before anyone realized and could stop him, Sasuke tackled Usagi, and in a blink of an eye had already started to pull out the pink ribbons. If anyone was paying any attention they would've realized that a certain blond boy who was behind Sasuke the whole time had suddenly blushed to the root of his hair as Sasuke tried to rip everything pink into shreds… and that meant Usagi's dress too.

"Damn it, Sasuke!" An enraged Mayumi pulled her son away from her daughter and gave the boy a good smack on the head to calm him down before he could complete the seal of the tiger and burn her only daughter to a crisp with the katon jutsu. Of course Sasuke only wanted to burn the hideous pink dress off of his precious imouto, but at the moment he was too mad to realize his sister was inside the dress and would be destroyed in the same process. "If you don't stop right now, you won't get any dinner today either!"

"But okaa-chan!" Sasuke almost whined, the growl of his stomach reminding him of the skipped breakfast. "I can't let my imouto be seen outside like that! It's a disgrace to the clan!"

"And why is that?" The bunny snapped, baring her teeth at Sasuke. Damn it, if their mother hadn't pulled Sasuke-baka away just in time, he would have been forced to kiss his ninja career goodbye and live out the rest of his life with a couple of fingers less.

"Why is that?! Why is that?!" Sasuke all but roared out. "You are an Uchiha, Usagi! Uchiha! Uchihas don't play dress up, don't wear frilly dresses and we never wear weak colors like PINK!"

"You're such a hypocrite, onii-chan!" Usagi crossed her arms in a posture that was imitated from her older sibling. "Who's the one who dressed me up in all those Gothic Lolita dresses? Who's the one that curls my hair on weekends? Who's the one that bought the dark purple nail polish for me?"

Sakura and Naruto blinked and turned as one to stare at their teammate. Wow, Gothic Lolita dresses, dress up, curling hair, nail polish… Were there other things Sasuke hid from them? Who would've thought?

"It was Itachi-niichan who bought the nail polish, not me, and the only reason I curl your hair is because Itachi does a crappier job than I do!" Sasuke glared back at his imouto. He knew where to draw the line – clothes and hair were okay, but he left the make up to Itachi. "There's nothing wrong with the dresses I bought you. They're black, which is a color of strength and power, a color that inflicts fear in your opponents and blends in perfectly with your surrounds at night." Not to mention that it enhanced the luminance of their pale Uchiha skin, he silently added to himself.

The ungrateful little twit; he spent more than half of his salary to buy her clothes. It was true that being born into the Uchiha meant dark and efficient clothes, but after he saw the Gothic Lolita dresses for the first time while Sakura dragged Naruto and him shopping, Sasuke knew that his darling little sister would look adorable in them. And of course he made the excuse that even though the clothes he bought this baby sister were girly, at least they were all black, a good manly color.

Sakura and Naruto continued to stare at their teammate. Just what did Itachi and Sasuke do in their spare time? Did they even want to know? Was it one of those bizarre shinobi quirks that they would all develop with time and skills? Like Kakashi-sensei and his obsession with porn, Gai and his green spandex, Tsunada with her gambling and alcoholism, Genma and Asuma and their oral fixations on grass and cigarettes, Orochimaru and licking, like… There were too many shinobi to count.

"Naruto-kun?" Mayumi finally noticed the other boy still at the doorway staring at Sasuke shock. "Sorry, with all the ruckus Sasuke caused I didn't even realize you were there, too. Will you be staying for dinner?" Unlike the rest of the villagers, Mayumi always felt bad for the young boy, who not only grew up without the love of a family but was also despised by the entire village for something he had no control over. Having heard from Sasuke that Naruto's diet consisted mostly of instant ramen with Ichiraku only on the weekend, she encouraged her son to invite the blonde boy over for dinner as much as possible. After all, it wasn't too much trouble to feed four little stomachs instead of three. Plus, Usagi seemed to like the boy a lot (mostly because they liked to share embarrassing stories about Sasuke and discuss about how to pull pranks on the young Uchiha genius) and even though Sasuke would never admit it, he did consider Naruto to be his best friend.

"Hai, Uchiha-san. If it's not too much trouble." The blond boy blushed as all eyes turned on him and quickly bowed to hide his blush.

"Sakura-chan, why don't you stay for dinner, too? It's not often when Sasuke and Itachi invite their friends over." She ignored the glare her son sent her. "We're having okonomiyaki, and Usagi brought home some Cherry Flavored Ramen from school today."

"Ramen?" Naruto's ears perked up at the mention of his favorite food.

Here the mother smiled proudly at her daughter. "Usagi-chan received her first love gift today! A boy from school gave her Limited Edition Cherry Flavored Ramen, and I thought it would be nice to try it. I'm so proud of you, Usagi-chan!" Here the mother squealed like a little girl and glomped her daughter proudly. "You are truly my daughter! Why, when I was your age, I had such a large fan club that your grandfather had to pick me up in the truck because of all the gifts the boys gave me everyday." Mayumi sighed, reminiscing the time long ago before she was claimed permanently by a possessive Uchiha.

"Sasuke, can you set the table please?"

"Sasuke?"

Too late; Mayumi, Sakura, Naruto, and Usagi looked around the empty living room…

"Oh no," the dark haired Uchiha mother whispered in fear, as she stared at the missing utensil she left on the table a few minutes ago. "Where is the butter knife?" (1)

The wind carried a scream of terror from across the village, and so it began…

* * *

Meanwhile, in the Hokage tower…

"Hokage-sama." An ANBU closed the door politely. "You wanted to see me?"

The Sandaime took his pipe out of his mouth and blew out the smoke carefully before pinching the bridge of his nose. Why did this have to come up now? He was looking foreword to this time of peace…

"Ah, Itachi-kun, you can remove your mask. No need to be so formal here," The old man nodded and tried his best to smile. If there was one man who could make him uncomfortable in all of Konoha, it was this boy. Not that there was anything particularly scary or evil about the young man it was just that, well, he brought the Uchiha glare to a whole new level.

"Is there a new mission for my team, Hokage-sama?" the deep voice asked tonelessly. His expressionless face put the porcelain ANBU mask to shame. Yeap, he certainly did his clan proud.

Sandaime cleared his throat awkwardly. How to break the news without causing the destruction of his village? "Itachi-kun… I was just looking over your mission log this afternoon. It seems that lately all of your missions have been S class, and it has come to my attention that you haven't had a vacation for awhile," He paused for the information to sink in and for a more dramatic affect. It seemed that the boy did nothing but give a tiny nod, so small that the old man had to squint to see it, but he did not miss how the glare was turned up a notch. The Sandaime could feel a drop of cold sweat now forming on his brow. Damn it! He was the Hokage! The strongest man in the village, he would not be intimidated by a little boy who still probably hadn't even hit puberty yet.

"With your busy schedule, you probably don't have much time to spend with your siblings," he continued, slowly and carefully. The safety of his village depended on him, but little did he know that across the town the destruction had already started. "I have decided to give you a break from the missions. As a bonus for all the hard work, you will be given a two week paid vacation. I have already arranged an all inclusive beach resort for you and Sasuke at the Country of Waterfall. Why don't you go home to pack your bags and collect Sasuke?"

"And what about Usagi? Why can't I take her with me, too?"

"Ah…" Here the Sandaime cleared his throat uncomfortably. "Well… um… Since she just started school, I don't think it'll be a good idea to take her away on this trip."

The dark eyes narrowed as Itachi carefully assessed the man in front of him. If he remembered correctly, the last time he was given a paid vacation was… ah… Sai…

"As you wish, Hokage-sama," The dark haired ANBU bowed again in respect. "I shall collect Sasuke right now, and we will be on our way. Should I inform Kakashi-san then?"

"No, I can send someone else to tell him. You just go home and enjoy your time off. Dismissed."

The second Itachi disappeared in a poof of smoke, Sandaime collapsed in his chair. He prayed for the soul of the poor boy who had just rubbed the Uchiha brothers the wrong way. He was getting too old for this. Maybe after Itachi and Sasuke come back from their all-inclusive vacation, he should consider taking one as well…

TBC

(1) Yes, Sasuke is going to castrate all the boys using a butter knife since Kakashi confiscated his kunai, even the rusty ones ;;

AN: Again, I apologize for all the OOC in this chapter, especially Sasuke, and no, he is not gay. He just adores his baby sister a little too much, and no, not in a romantic way either… it's more like a little kid and his puppy, and in this case the puppy is Usagi ;;


	3. Chapter 3

AN: Chapter two all fixed, thanks to Cygnea-chan again!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Chapter 2

It wasn't within his nature to compliment others. Heck, when one was born into the most prestigious clan in Konoha, there were few who could compare with even the commonest Uchiha members, and he was what most people agreed upon as a genius. In this case though, even he had to admit the young man in front of him was the best so far out of all the other perverts he had the pleasure of tracking down in the past two hours.

"I have to say, I admire your courage, Ariga-san."

The fourteen-years-old young man stared at the person in front of him, trying his hardest not to show his fear. Even though his tormentor was several years younger than himself, there was no telling what he was capable of. After all, anyone in their right mind knew that underestimating an Uchiha only meant death.

"What do you want, Sasuke-san?"

The young prodigy ignored the question and continued as if he had not been interrupted. "As I was saying, the six people before you didn't do as well as you did." Black eyes narrowed in pure malice. "Kitamura-san threw up all over himself just after five minutes, and poor Shinosuke-san wet himself after just ten minutes here. I personally think that they should give up being shinobi."

"Why?" He was barely able to force the single word out. "Why are you doing this?" Never in his entire life had he been this afraid. He knew, deep down, that this young boy was capable of killing. All Uchiha were mentally unstable like that, it was a price one had to pay for power and strength.

"I just want to know something, Ariga-san. Depending on your answer, you can either walk away from here and pretend everything was just a bad dream…or you can say goodbye to your ninja career forever," Sasuke said calmly. "And it will be a shame, too. I've heard rumors that you are quite a promising chuunin."

"What do you want to know?" Sweat started to pour down his forehead in streams. His eyes followed the path of the butter knife the younger boy twirled between his fingers.

"I have an imouto-chan."

"You do?"

Apparently, that was the wrong answer. Ariga-san never knew a mere butter knife could be so sharp. Pain stung his left cheek, and he could feel the wetness dripping down from the wound. The heavy metallic smell of blood slowly filled the cool evening air between them.

"Uchiha Usagi. She turned six years old this year. She just started the academy not long ago." A pale hand wiped the thin streak of thick red fluid from the blade. Being an Uchiha meant that one always had to be prepared for all kind of situations. Before he picked out his first target, Sasuke had spent a good half an hour by the river, polishing his only weapon till it was even sharper than his favorite kunai. Now, it was a tool any shinobi could be proud of.

"My imouto received a rather suspicious package at school today," Sasuke continued nonchalantly, as if he was commenting on the weather. "And I have reasons to believe that it is a perverse attempt by one of the males of the village at seducing Usagi-chan."

Ah… so that was what it was all about. Now, he kind of remembered a few months ago, when a kid named Sai disappeared from Konoha after receiving severe mentally damages. It was rumored that the Uchiha brothers were the mastermind behind the whole thing, but he never cared enough for gossip to find out why the two siblings would have decided to have a go at Sai. "You think I'm the one who gave your sister a love note?" He couldn't help it; the mere idea was too outrageous.

Sasuke's scowl darkened even more as Ariga started to laugh his head off as if he just heard the joke of the year.

"You think that me, who is fourteen years old, would go for a six year old brat, who is probably still in diapers and crying for milk?" If he wasn't tied up, he would've wiped the tears off.

"Hn. There are lots of pedophiles out there," The name Orochimaru popped into Sasuke's head as he shuddered.

"I have a girlfriend."

"There are lots of double timing bastards out there."

"I don't like girls with black hair."

"She's a blonde."

"I'm gay."

"You just said that you have a girlfriend."

There was no way he could win this, Ariga knew now. It didn't matter if he was telling lies or truth. He did have a girlfriend (one who was very cute and who he was planning to marry if he could first survive the Uchiha of course), and he didn't have anything against black hair, or blonde (but he still preferred the red hair of his koibito), and he really did not like girls who were eight years his junior (he was not a pedophile, God damn it!). Sasuke would just use that twisted genius brain of his to come up with excuses.

"I don't have time to play games with you Ariga-san. I still have quite a few people to interrogate after you…"

A cold breeze brushed against his sweating neck, making him shudder in cold and fear.

"Have you realized where we are?"

The question suddenly made Ariga-san take a good look at his surroundings for the very first time. He was at first too shocked by the thought that a boy younger than him was able to beat and kidnap him, to properly apply the basic ninja skill, which was to assess the surroundings. Even in the twilight darkness, he could make out pale cold shapes arranged in neat rows. Fear gripped him, twisting his heart with its cold fingers. He was in a graveyard and not only any graveyard… it was THE graveyard. The one that no one dared to come near, the one that was rumored to be home to many of the more dangerous and poisonous beasts and plants of the surrounding Konoha forest.

"Ah, I see that you know where we are too." The Uchiha boy seemed totally at ease, even though his companion was obviously numb with terror. "Back at the academy, we learned that fifty years ago Konoha used to have the same tradition as the Village of the Bloody Mist. I'm sure you know all about that tradition too, Ariga-san, seeing how you were the top of your class back then."

Even in his fear, a small part of his brain, way in the back, where it was the only section that was still functioning normally, was impressed by the amount of information gathering the Uchiha did prior to his kidnapping.

"Yes, the one where in order to graduate from the Academy, students were paired up with their best friend, in a fight to death and only the survivor was allowed to become genin. However, something happened with the last graduating class. Many shinobi who survived through the training were so against the method that they came up with a plan to abolish it forever… a plan that resulted in the murder of all the students in the academy. And it was because of the loss of five hundred young innocent lives that finally made the Hokage decide to change the tradition. A mass grave was constructed outside of Konoha, so the crimes would be forgotten over time, along with all the innocent victims.

"I've often heard stories of strange and mysterious disappearances around this area." Was it possible for black eyes to glow in pure darkness? "I'm sure if you disappeared tonight…"

The rest was left to Ariga-san's own imagination.

Your imagination could be your own worst enemy sometimes. A thousand images popped into Ariga-san's head all at once. His eyes closed suddenly, and he fell back with a loud thump, white foam forming at the edge of his mouth.

Sasuke sighed. There went another one.

"You know, he was innocent."

The genin turned around in annoyance, knowing all too well who the speaker was, as black met black. "You're late, aniki. I took care of six already. Well, seven now if you count that one." He kicked the fainted body none too gently with his foot in disgust. There was no need to ask if Itachi knew what happened. If he found Sasuke here, then he must have known already.

"I had a little meeting with Hokage-sama. According to the guards at the gate, Ariga-san just came back to the village two hours ago from a mission at the Tea Country, so that does not give him enough time to wait in line to buy a Special Limited Edition Ramen, wrap it, and deliver it to the academy without the two of us knowing. He was probably on his way home after delivering the mission report when you caught him," Itachi analyzed. He had read in the papers that people had started waiting last week to get their hands on the Ichiraku ramen. There were quite a few casualties, considering there were only ten packages and a whole lot of hungry ninjas. Let's just say that there were a lot of new and innovative jutsu were used…

"Even if he's innocent this time, it doesn't hurt to teach him a lesson, so he'll never even think about laying an eye on Usagi-chan in the future," Being an Uchiha meant the same as being stubborn, especially when it came to admitting mistakes. "Don't tell me you came all the way here just to save Ariga-san."

"No. I actually came to get you. We have a mission together."

Mission? Itachi and him? An ANBU captain and a genin? At a time like this? A delicate black eyebrow rose slightly. That was strange. They never paired shinobi together when there was such an obvious gap in level and abilities. Not that he wanted to admit that Itachi was stronger. Hell, he was sure he would surpass his aniki one day! But if it was true that they were assigned a mission together, then it would be a great opportunity for him to train under Itachi. Ever since he became a genin it was even more difficult to spend time together when they were both so busy with missions.

"We are to go to the Country of the Waterfall and spend two weeks there at an all inclusive resort."

The eyebrow rose even higher, although to the untrained eye it didn't seem any higher than the other one. "Is it an information gather mission? Or are we suppose to protect a paranoid feudal lord? Or pretend to be a trophy boyfriend of some rich ugly hag?" You always had to be cautious about missions that sounded too good to be true. The last time that Kakashi made them go to the onsen (lying to them about how they deserved a reward for being such good subordinates), the three of them ended up cleaning and scrubbing the washrooms all weekend at a beautiful resort because the resort was short on staff. On top of the disgusting smell he had to endure and the backbreaking manual labor (one that did not contribute to his training), he had to put up with the outrageous attempts made at him by many of the female patrons visiting the onsen…despite the fact that he was clearly forty years too young for them. If there was one thing he learnt from that mission, it was that that rich people lacked common sense and morals. Just the memory of all those old wrinkled hags making a grab at him was enough for him to gag to death.

"I will tell you the details about the mission later." Itachi turned to leave. "We are to depart immediately. So hurry up, we have to go home and pack."

Realization hit him…so… This was the Hokage's retaliation: an obvious and useless attempt to get the two of them out of the village for the time being so that perverts would be free to corrupt their imouto even further. The old man must be getting senile if he was permitting these kinds of despicable acts to occur in the village. For once, he agreed with Naruto; maybe it was time for someone younger to take over as the Hokage…

He was about to complain when the older Uchiha gave him THE look. Ah… he felt it too… The masked chakra twenty five meters behind him in the seven o'clock direction, probably an ANBU sent by the Hokage. He gave a silent nod to Itachi, and the two brothers jumped into the nearest tree, traveling through the tops of the thick forest, back to the village.

* * *

"Itachi-nii, Sasuke-nii," Usagi greeted her missing brothers with her mouth stuffed full of ramen. "You have to try this ramen! It's actually quite good."

If possible, the expression on Sasuke's face became even darker at the mention of ramen. Naruto was for once not stuffing his face like he usually did at Ichiraku (he had to make a good impression in front of the parents after all). And it wasn't just Usagi; even his parents were eating that disgusting food with a look of enjoyment. His hands were twitching for action. There must be something wrong with the ramen… Maybe the pervert who gave Usagi the ramen did a jutsu on it, so that whoever ate the noodles would become even more susceptible to future attacks.

He took a step forward to stop the four of them when a heavy hand on his shoulder stopped him. Sasuke looked at Itachi with angry eyes, but only received a warning look.

"Itachi, Sasuke, where did you boys run off to? We got so hungry waiting that your father decided to start dinner without you." Mayumi started to get up to prepare two more bowls of the tasty noodles. Who would've known that Cherry Flavored Ramen could be so delicious? No wonder the Limited Editions were so popular. Next time that Ichiraku came out with a new flavor, she would be sure to get some for her family, too.

"Otou-san, Okaa-san, I'm sorry for the delay. Hokage-sama has assigned Sasuke and I on a mission to the Country of the Waterfall for the next two weeks," the older boy announced. "I just came from his office. We are to depart immediately. Don't worry about dinner. We just came home to pack for the trip."

"You and Sasuke?" Both Fugaku and Mayumi looked at their son in surprise. They have never heard of an ANBU paired up with a genin for a mission before…

"Do your best, Sasuke. It's a great opportunity to learn from your aniki." Mayumi smiled while Fugaku nodded proudly. It may seem like that Sasuke was progressing slower than Itachi in this period of peace, but for Hokage-sama to entrust a genin on an ANBU level mission, Sasuke must be coming along just fine.

"Dobe, I need to speak with you for a second."

Naruto paused in mid-slurp and looked at his teammate. After gulping down the noodles without chewing, he slowly got up and followed his teammate to Sasuke's room. Everyone at the table stopped and looked at the two boys as them made their way down the hall. The blond boy swallowed uncomfortably. He did not have a good feeling about this.

As soon as the door slid close, he was pushed down hard into a chair.

"Listen, Naruto." Sasuke glared down at his teammate. "I'm going to be gone from Konoha for two weeks, and as you know, there's a sick pervert out there who's probably planning to kidnap and rape Usagi-chan, while Itachi and I are gone."

The blond boy laughed nervously. He knew only too well how much Sasuke exaggerated things when it came to his imouto.

"While Itachi and I are on the mission, I need you to look after Usagi for me." Black eyes narrowed. "That means you are to get up at five in the morning so you can walk her to school, wait outside her classes without getting noticed, protect her during recess from any unwanted attention, and if anyone, especially anyone MALE stares at her longer than 0.2 seconds, you have my explicit permission to castrate them in the most painful way possible. After school is finished, you are to pick her up and take her straight home, no excuses. And for the next two weeks, you are to camp outside her window, since she has a tendency to sneak out in the middle of the night to train."

"But…" The compliant died as Uchiha glare number eight was directed at him. Was it him or did Sasuke's eyes glow red for a second there?

"But what?"

"What if there's a mission?"

"I doubt Kakashi will assign any mission while I'm gone," the Uchiha genius smirked. Not that he was conceited or anything, but without him to save the day, Sakura and Naruto would never be able to complete anything in the end. "I'm sure Kakashi will waste the time reading Icha Icha Paradise anyways."

"Why can't Sakura do it? I mean, isn't it safer for a girl to guard a girl?" Naruto squealed again as he received another glare.

"I don't trust Sakura. God knows what that crazy girl would do while I'm gone." The image of the Hello Kitty get up from earlier popped up and he suppressed a shiver of disgust. "She will probably dress Usagi up in some hideous costume and parade her around the village. No, it has to be you. I don't care if you're sick or dying. If I find anything wrong when I come back… I promise you not only will you never become hokage, you will never, ever be able to have little Uzumakis in the future." Sasuke paused for added affect. "Do we have an understanding?"

"I…I'll do my best." God, he hoped Sasuke was joking, especially about the future Uzumakis...

"Good, now get out of here, I need to pack for my mission."

Naruto didn't need a second prompt. The door nearly broke in his haste to get back to the safety of the dinning room.

* * *

"Take care of Sasuke, Itachi," Mayumi reminded her eldest son, as she adjusted the straps of Sasuke's backpack. "Bring him back in one piece please. And don't forget to take your multi-vitamins in the morning."

"Hai, okaa-san," the younger Uchiha sibling grunted out in annoyance. He was responsible enough to go on a mission. Why did their mother still have to treat him like a little kid?

"We're off then." The two nodded to their father and made their way towards the village gate.

* * *

"Do you think anyone will notice?" A voice asked from the rooftop of the Uchiha residence.

"Unless Hokaga-sama assigned a Hyuuga or an Uchiha to monitor us, an ordinary shinobi won't be able to tell that they are clones."

"Well then, should we get started, aniki?" Sasuke stood up and stretched like a large cat, a smirk gracing his features.

"I have already gone through all the possible suspects." A sheet of paper was handed to him as Itachi adjusted his porcelain cat mask over his face. "You start off with the academy students, genin and half of the chuunin, and I'll take the rest of the chuunin, jounin and ANBU." A hint of enjoyment deepened his already sexy voice. This would be fun, not only would he be able to take care of their target… he would also get an opportunity to compare his skills to the best in Konoha.

A quick scan through the list of names and he already committed them to memory. A feral grin graced the fine Uchiha face. Ah, he could already hear the screams and smell the blood…

"Good hunting, otouto."

"You too, aniki."

TBC...

AN: Sorry this isn't a funny chapter, life kind of got in the way of creativity :p


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Yes… I do wonder who gave Usagi the Cherry Flavored Ramen? Even though I'm sure most of you know already. Much love to Cygnea-chan, she even fixed my author's notes P

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Chapter 3

"Kaa-san, what's for dessert?" the bunny asked as she finished the last of her noodles with a slurp that rivaled Naruto's and wiped her mouth daintily (like how Itachi taught her). For the nth time, Naruto stared at the little girl beside him. It didn't matter how many times he saw her eat, he still could not imagine how someone with such a small body could contain that much food without growing – for the lack of a better word – fat. And Sasuke still got surprised at how much HE ate…

Uchiha Fugaku chuckled at his daughter's enthusiasm. In a rare display of emotions, the Uchiha patriarch reached out and stroked the blonde tresses of his only daughter. If either Itachi or Sasuke were there, they both would have stared at the strange display. It was true that he was beyond strict with his sons, who would ultimately carry on his name and become the pillars to support the clan and the village in the future. His sons were not only his, they belonged to the village and the clan, but his daughter was his alone to spoil and love.

If it was up to him then he would be more than happy to raise Usagi as a normal girl, but his daughter was a true Uchiha. Not only was she graced with the Uchiha intelligence and strength, she was also blessed with their stubborn pride and thirst for power. It never failed to amuse him how many times his daughter would slap down a challenge at his sons or declare herself the best shinobi of the clan.

Even if the path of bloodshed might not be the ideal one that he would choose for his innocent little daughter, it was much better than letting her become the trophy breeding wife that many people were starting to see her as. Fugaku shook his head at an oncoming headache. One thing that he agreed with his sons was that they must keep the males in Konoha under control.

While he would never 'directly' encourage Itachi or Sasuke to go on mad rampages (of course not, he was the head of the Police Squad of the village after all and he took his job of maintaining peace very seriously. There must be another reason why Itachi and Sasuke never got charged with manslaughter or even public destruction during their 'hunt for perverts'…) he did not approve of the extra male attention every time a boy looked at Usagi a little longer than normal.

When the Uchiha name (and everything that came with it, namely money and power), combined with a legendary kekkei genkai (1), and the 'blonde' version of the Uchiha good looks… Let's just say that no other parent in Konoha had to deal with the many offers of marriage that came his way regarding his little Usagi. After all, she did have all the most desirable traits of a perfect shinobi wife, even though she would be just as sought after with only the Uchiha name alone. Many clans would kill just to introduce a single drop of their blood into their veins. Those shameless bastards…treating his daughter like breeding stock.

Mayumi shook her heard as she heard the glass crack. She knew enough from past experience that her darling husband was thinking about all those suitors again. Like father like sons. Sometimes, she thought that Itachi and Sasuke's irrational and violent tendencies must be passed down from Fugaku's side… God knows that she hadn't passed anything but good looks to her kids.

Knowing too well to question his thoughts at that precise moment (he would just deny it, like all men did), she wordlessly picked up the broom and proceeded to clean up the broken glass from the table and floor.

"Otou-san?"

The elder Uchiha snapped out of his violent thoughts (for the nth time, he wished that Hokage-sama would just listen to him and grant him permission to arrest those who had the nerve to offer marriage proposals) and looked down apologetically at his youngest offspring.

"What do you want for dessert, Usagi-chan?" He quickly diverted his daughter's attention after getting THAT look from his wife. There was a saying – behind every strong man stands a strong woman – and if there was anyone he was afraid of, it was his beautiful wife. The last time he was stupid enough to anger her, he ended up sleeping on the floor for a whole month (according to Mayumi, the couch was too good for him… Oh, the things he did for her…)

"Ice cream!"

Like he had to ask. Out of the entire clan, Usagi was the only Uchiha who had a sweet tooth. She probably got that from her mother (or maybe it was due to the same mutation that gave her the blond hair and blue eyes) when, during the pregnancy, Mayumi constantly craved ice cream for the entire nine months. Yet, he never stopped asking her just to keep the hope alive that maybe one day she would come to her Uchiha senses, and decide to abandon the sugary treat for something healthier.

The room suddenly became very still and cold. Mayumi gave THE look to her husband and too late, he realized what that meant and prepared himself mentally. At times like these, he would rather face an army of SSSSS class missing nins than…

"Usagi-chan…" Here her mother paused, trying to break the news gently. "There's no more ice cream left. Remember? You ate the last container yesterday? Neither Itachi nor Sasuke had time to pick up more on their way home."

It came as suddenly as a thunder storm with more destructive power than a hurricane… That was the power of Uchiha Usagi when she cried. Not that she cried often. Growing up in a traditional ninja family had disciplined her to be a very mature six years old. Usagi could be very brave and stubborn when it came to getting stitches (when Sasuke accidentally dropped her on her head when she was three), and when she had to have her bones set straight (when she broke her arm and dislocated her shoulder when she was four and Itachi had to perform the emergency treatment) not a single tear was shed from the proud Uchiha girl.

However the mention of food can reduce the arrogant Uchiha attitude into a sobbing, whimpering mess.

"Uchiha-san, Mayumi-san?" Naruto asked hesitantly over the sound of Usagi's crying. "With your permission, may I take Usagi-chan out for some ice cream?"

As sudden as the onset began, the tempest disappeared and hopeful blue eyes looked up at her parents, willing them through the wide shimmering puppy dog eyes to say yes.

If there were times that he wished he was blind, now was the time, Fugaku thought as his daughter's ultimate weapon was turned to him at full force. He willed himself to be strong, but the steely Uchiha will was nothing compared to the picture of pitiful adorableness his little daughter was attacking him with. And for extra effect, Usagi started to blink, and large droplets of tears gathered on the golden lashes, and the chubby cheeks quivered silently without producing any destructive noises, except for an occasional whimpering or two, added in just at the right timing.

God, where was he when you needed him?! Damn it. He knew, everyone knew, ice cream was the downfall of many good ninja… Not only was it bad for the health, but many good shinobi have failed missions and perished during the hot summer season because they took extra long at the ice cream stand when they should have been rushing back to the village after completing a mission or running for their lives from the enemy.

He had tried to ground these fundamental ninja facts into his daughter's pretty blonde head, ever since he discovered her weakness for this particular sweet. However, four years later, in the war against ice cream, he was a total failure.

"Of course, Naruto-chan," Thankfully his wife saved him from becoming the disciplinarian once more. Even though he knew it was for Usagi's own good it didn't stop him from feeling like the biggest heartless bastard alive when he made his little daughter cry. And ice cream once in awhile wouldn't hurt… Right?

"Yatta!" The bunny jumped up with happiness and glomped her mother. "I love you, okaa-san!" She shouted out before reaching down to grab Naruto's hand. With a strength that belied her small stature, the young girl managed to give a sudden pull that not only forced Naruto onto his feet, but also stumble ungracefully forward from the momentum. Thankfully, his ninja skills saved him from crashing into Usagi just in time (it wouldn't have been good if he fell on top of her…you know, like how the hero always did to save the heroine…in front of the parents anyways).

Fugaku growled under his breath at the little display, but managed to turn the growl into a cough when a sharp elbow nudged his ribs painfully.

"Don't stay out too late kids," Mayumi smiled as Usagi hurriedly got her shoes on. "And Naruto," she called out to stop the boy and handed him some money.

"It's okay, Uchiha-san," the blond boy blushed and held up his hands to refuse. "It'll be my treat, since I did intrude for dinner after all."

"You're a sweet boy." The dark haired woman smiled kindly at him and patted the wild blond hair in a motherly fashion. "But take it; you don't know how Usagi-chan is when it comes to ice cream. She can eat a hole through your life's savings if you let her."

Naruto hesitantly took the money offered to him and smiled shyly back at Mayumi. It was so rare when adults treated him kindly that he did not know how to react when he found himself in these kinds of situations… Not to mention the said adult was the mother of not only Sasuke-teme but also Usagi-chan. "Thank you." He quietly whispered the only thing that came to his mind.

"You're welcome. Don't let Usagi-chan use all the ice cream money, be sure to get something for yourself too, okay?" Mayumi waved at the pair of blonds. She sighed when she saw her daughter grab Naruto's hand and pulled him out the door.

Young kids, they grew up so fast now. Soon, she would have to have a girl-to-girl talk with Usagi (she left the boys talk to Fugaku. She had no patience when it came to dealing with Sasuke's childishness or Itachi's silent treatments and the Uchiha pride and stubbornness in general, so she left it to an Uchiha to deal with an Uchiha).

"Why did you stop me earlier?" The frowning face of her husband greeted her as Mayumi turned around.

"Because darling…" The slender woman all but purred. "All the kids are gone… it's been such a long time since we had the house to ourselves, don't you think?"

Ah, the original Uchiha smirk appeared on the master's face. How he loved the little vixen he married. He silently hoped that Naruto and Usagi would stay out just a little longer than needed…

* * *

Maybe it was the fact that for once, the object of all young boy's affection was walking happily down the street without her two onii-san's supervision (word traveled fast in Konoha and according to gossip, Sasuke and Itachi had been banished to another village for the rest of their lives) or maybe it was because that the object of their affection was walking down the street, holding hands with another boy… For some reason, all the single boys all came out of their 'shy' shells that night to enjoy the warm opportunity filled evening and hope that maybe fate would smile favorably on them as they planned their moves on a certain blonde Uchiha.

Naruto tried to ignore the glares of death directed at him and instead concentrate on Usagi as she related all that happened at school that day. He tried very hard not to blush at the feeling of her small soft hand in his larger rougher one. He hoped that she didn't notice his nervousness. It wasn't everyday that he got to hold the hand of his crush, and especially when that crush happened to be Sasuke's imouto.

Yes, he admitted that he has the biggest crush on Usagi. Ever since he first saw her…must be five months, three weeks and five days ago…he just couldn't stop thinking about her. Compared to his infatuation with Sakura, his feelings for Usagi were like Ichiraku's supreme sea food combo ramen compared to the generic grocery type instant cup ramen.

The first time he saw her at Sasuke's house, he thought that she must be Sasuke's girlfriend (after all, who would've have guessed that there would be something as unnatural as a BLONDE Uchiha), and just when he thought that God was on his side (when he learnt that Usagi was indeed not Sasuke's girlfriend), destiny decided to join in the fun and inform him that his beautiful blonde chibi-goddess was actually the imouto of his worst enemy. Talk about being hated by the world.

While one part of him was flying with happiness at this opportunity, the other part couldn't help but plan his funeral. After all, it would only be a matter of time before Sasuke found out. There were plenty of witnesses, and he was sure that at least one person would blurt out that Naruto and Usagi were holding hands to Sasuke; it would get rid of the most important competitor for Usagi's affection.

"What ice cream flavors do you like, Naruto-chan?" Large sparkling sapphire eyes blinked up adorably at him.

Naruto had to congratulate himself for not melting from her cuteness. The same couldn't be said for some of the boys spying on the couple, as several "Oh my god, she's so cute!", "Uchiha-san, I want to do xxx and xxx with you!", and "I want you to have my babies Usagi-chan!" were heard.

This time it was Naruto's turn to glare daggers of death at those none to innocent declarations of love. For God's sake, she was only six years old and they were not much older either! Minors now a days, so easily corrupted by perverts (unfortunately, Naruto forgot that he was probably even worse than them… After all, he was the one who invented the deadly and infamous Sexy no Jutsu).

Now he was finally starting to understand the strange, obsessive, over protective behavior Sasuke had for Usagi. He had to admit it, even though grudgingly, that he admired the amount of self-constraint and patience the Uchiha had. He was shocked that Sasuke hadn't 'chidori-ed' half the village yet. Now if Usagi was HIS imouto (God forbid, because Naruto liked her a lot and not in a platonic fashion), he would probably have 'rasengan-ed' every single pervert by now.

"I like vanilla," Naruto blushed. "How about yourself, Usagi-chan?"

"Well, I like all ice cream flavors!" The bunny smiled happily. "But if I have to pick just one then I guess I like strawberry the best!"

"Okay, do you want to wait here for me while I get some strawberry ice cream?" He led her to one of the benches just outside the ice cream parlor. It was warm enough that they could enjoy their treats under the full moon. And maybe he could take out a couple perverts while he was at it too, Naruto added silently to himself after Usagi nodded happily, already too preoccupied with thoughts of her dessert to care about anything else.

* * *

"Ah, Ebisu-san," the bartender asked worriedly. "Are you sure you can make it home by yourself?"

The special jounin tutor hiccupped as he slumped against the other man. "What are you saying?! **Hiccup** Do you know who I am? Of course, **hiccup,** I can walk **hiccup** home by my **hiccup** self!"

"Well…if you say so…" the owner said as he let go of the arm he was supporting, kind of glad to be away from the jounin who reeked of alcohol. If he was just going to get insulted for his efforts, then why bother. It wasn't like he didn't have much better things to do than helping drunkards, even if that drunkard did make up half his business for the night.

The man watched as the jounin pulled himself unsteady to his feet, using the wall to regain his balance. Unfortunately, even before he took two steps…

"What the fuck?!" The self-proclaimed special jounin swore loud enough to wake up half the village, as he walked into a lamp post.

He just did not understand why someone like Ebisu insisted wearing his sunglasses even at night. Ninja, especially the higher level ones, were so arrogant when it came to their skills that they did the stupidest things to prove their superiority… Like pretending that they could see perfectly at night, wearing a pair of vision impairing sunglasses, especially when they were drunk. Idiots… Rich, but still idiots.

Shaking his head, the bartender went back to his establishment. There were still many more idiots left for him to get drunk tonight, and the night was just starting.

Ebisu groaned and rubbed his forehead. Who in their right mind would put a freaking lamp post in the middle of the side walk?! He would so have to speak to Hokage-sama about this.

Today was just not his day. He had to chase Konohamaru and his little cronies around the village just to attempt to teach those little ingrates something useful. Really, why did he waste his time like this? If Konohamaru wasn't Hokage-sama's own grandson…ah… Better not think like that, or else he really won't be able stop himself from hurting the little brat next time.

Sometimes, he wished that he could trade places with Kakashi, even though the other jounin was working with kids from less 'influential' families (excluding Sasuke of course. Who's ever even heard of the Haruno clan? And the Kyuubi kid was just a hated orphan). At least they went on some interesting missions from time to time, not to mention Kakashi always had more time to read Icha Icha Paradise. God, how he hated it when the younger jounin always ruined his reading experience for him by revealing the most important spoilers!

Yes, he had decided to take his woes to the local shinobi bar, and hoped to drown them in the ever powerful sake. Why?! Why did those little brats worship someone like Naruto when the genin only showed them useless perverted things like the Sexy no Jutsu?! Why couldn't Konohamaru just understand that he, the great Ebisu-sama, was the quickest way to becoming the Hokage?

The jounin looked up at the bright moon as if to seek answers. Against the round luminous moon even he couldn't have mistaken (with his sunglasses) the shape of a man crouching on the top of an electricity pole, staring back down at him with glaring red eyes. Was he starting to see things?

Ebisu quickly removed his glasses to rub his eyes, trying to clear his head of the alcohol. By the time he put his sunglasses back on again and squinted at the same pole, the only image that greeted him was the empty pole and the pale cold moon.

Maybe he should call it a night… He did have a report to hand in bright and early tomorrow morning.

"Oh, Ebisu-sama."

A new voice cooed on the empty street, and before the jounin could decide what was good for him, his head already turned towards the source of the voice.

A scantly clad female leaned shyly against corner of a building. From what he could see, she was young…oh very young…from the firm round curves that were revealed to his wondering eyes, and the clouds covering her private parts left so little to the imagination.

His eyes traveled down the endless smooth legs that ended with dainty little ankles and the cutest toe nails painted in deep purple nail polish. He let his (perverted) eyes move up and couldn't stop the blood from gushing out of his nose at the sight of such a slender pale neck, partly covered by long silky black hair. Pure black eyes winked back at him as those plush lips blew a kiss at him.

On the other hand, the night was still young… Especially when there was such a willing beautiful girl who was just begging for his attention…

* * *

(1) Special hereditary powers that certain clans have, like the Sharingan.

AN: I wonder what's going to happen to Ebisu-san? **looks away innocently** Lol, Konoha is filled with perverts… Jiraiya, Kakashi, Ebisu, the Hokage… the possibilities are endless, and let's not forget the pervert in training (a.k.a. Konohamaru). Muhahahaha!!! Okay, that's enough insanity for one day, I'm going back to studying now. Thanks for all the comments guys!

**G.Kim**: Thanks for the lovely review and the support, I wasn't that upset by the flame, just a little amused that there are actually people who wasted their time like that. I hope you enjoyed this chapter as well.

**Angel:** Lol, well I guess Naruto will be forgiven once Usagi finds out that he was forced into it by Sasuke... poor Sasuke --;;

**Zodiac dragonHatori: **Hehe, the way I see it is that Itachi is also using this opportunity to compare his skills against some of the best shinobi in Konoha... since he issuppose to be the power hungry mass murder that we all love .


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sorry for the long wait everyone. I had to study for exams. Thank God there's only one more left, and then I'll be free! This story is taking a lot longer than originally planned. Hopefully it'll finish soon. glomps Cynea-chan, thanks for fixing this chapter too!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Chapter 4

Expect the unexpected. This was a fundamental rule tattooed into the mind of all shinobi. It was also the favorite saying of Kakashi-sensei to his students.

He thought he was prepared, but nothing could ready him for what he saw. He knew there were many boys (beside himself) who followed Usagi (at a distance, due to the over protective brothers factor). He was just shocked how fast they made their move when the brother factor left (barely even ten minutes ago). After all, he only left Usagi-chan alone by herself for exactly two minutes and six seconds at the bench while he went to purchase their ice cream (a strawberry ice cream supreme delight and a plain vanilla ice cream sugar cone for himself). However, by the time he turned around with the desserts, he could no longer see the blonde girl, who was incidentally swept up in a sea of prepubescent young boys like a sea of ants surrounding a lump of sugar. At this precise moment, the numerous pests were trying to impress the Uchiha girl while simultaneously trying to get rid of competitors… It was the survival of the fittest.

Even from his vantage point, he could already see blood seeping out from kunai wounds. Of course, all of those wounds were made behind the person so that Usagi-chan wouldn't see their evil doings. It was quite interesting to see some of the boys (victims) trying to smile as beautifully as possible while biting their tongue against screaming out in pain (the result was a bizarre combination, like the face of someone who was experiencing irritable bowel syndrome while stuck in the elevator for the past five hours.)

Maybe he should just wait at the sidelines and let the animals fight it out themselves. It did look like Usagi was enjoying the attention. Even though it pained Naruto to think that she was happy with other boys too, he also knew that under Sasuke's insane protectiveness, Usagi probably never had a chance to make many proper friends.

Despite the fact that the blond girl was super cute, her scary onii-chans were like a wall that stood between her and friendship. Even some of the girls found it hard to be friendly when the two male Uchiha were constantly around. Itachi and Sasuke 'screened' the little girls who befriended their imouto, especially after one incident when a boy used his sister to befriended the bunny as a way to send her love letters. Needless to say, not only was every single bone in the boy's hand was broken (by a mysterious source of course), the girl woke up with so many pieces of gum in her hair that she had no choice but to shave it all off (the day before the class picture). It was a cruel and effective way to scare off all other potential candidates who wanted to be 'friends' with the youngest Uchiha.

On the other end of the spectrum, there was a group of slightly older girls who were always super nice to Usagi to the point that even the sweet tempered blonde felt the need to make death threats. They were, of course, part of the group that loved…had crushes on…err infatuated with…had unhealthy obsessions with either Sasuke or Itachi, and thought that befriending their imouto might be a shortcut into their pants (I meant heart). After the first couple of incidences where Usagi was suddenly abandoned by her new 'friends' after she invited them home to play, she realized soon enough that they were only using her as a stepping stone. It took a few weeks of apologizing and bribery from Sasuke and Itachi to get Usagi to forgive them (for ruining any chances of making normal friends).

With that thought in mind, Naruto looked down at the ice cream in his hand and sighed. He was so looking forward to seeing Usagi-chan's happy smile when he gave her the ice cream, but it looked like they would melt in his hands before they would melt inside her tummy. He sat down by himself at the edge of the chattering little group, not even interested in tasting his own vanilla ice cream; it would only taste good if he could eat it with his bunny anyways.

"Naruto-chan!"

The startled boy almost dropped the ice creams he held when his name was shouted out.

"Why didn't you tell me you got the ice cream already?" The blonde girl pouted cutely as she pushed her way through her establishing 'fan club'.

"Hey, Uchiha-san."

Naruto's eye twitched in annoyance as a boy reached out and grabbed Usagi's shoulder, preventing her from going further.

"Why hang out with something like him?" The boy gave a dirty look at Naruto's direction. It was true that no one was allowed to speak about the Kyuubi and Naruto's sacrifice as its vessel, but the hatred of the older generations had tainted the young, and the roots were too deep to be removed. "I can treat you to as much ice cream as you want, so why don't you just leave garbage where it belongs."

"Hey! That's not true!" an angry looking Usagi snapped and jerked her arm out of the tight grip. "Naruto-chan is…"

She never got to finish the sentence as everyone spoke up at once. "We know that you are such a kind person, Usagi-san, so nice even to a DEMON."

Naruto slumped in defeat as he heard the last word. Normally he would not have let something like that get to him. He had to grow up in the shadow of hatred all of his life, his heart had already developed barriers against such lowly jabs. Over time, from the kindness of Iruka-sensei, Kakashi-sensei, Sakura, and even Sasuke, he had learned to forgive those who were ignorant. He knew that they did not know the truth; it was only an insult to get Usagi-chan away, but it was the truth. He did have a demon sealed inside of him. He was a danger to everyone around, he did not deserve someone as pure as Usagi, and she was an Uchiha. There was no way her clan would accept someone like him either.

"NARUTO-CHAN IS NOT A DEMON!" Everyone present stared in surprise as the closest boy next to Usagi went down, screaming in pain as he clutched his broken wrist. "And if anyone dares to insult my friend again…" When she lifted her head, the clear sapphire eyes that they all worshipped were no longer there. "I will make sure they will never see the light of another day." The last sentence was spoken with a bone chilling murdering intent behind the threat that would have put Sasuke and Itachi's spirit to shame. However, it was the blood red eyes that froze everyone to their spot, a single coma was visible in the circle of the iris.

The Sharingan.

* * *

It was the sound of water dripping that woke him. The cold dampness seeped into his bones even though he was still wearing the thick jounin pants. Tired black eyes blinked slowly behind black sunglasses. Where was he? The last thing he remembered…

The realization made the special jounin jerk up in total wakefulness. Too bad the ropes lashing him firmly against a wooden chair prevented any movement on his part. What the hell happened?! Totally forgetting his cool, the jounin did something he couldn't remember doing ever… He panicked. It was actually a secret, but he was very scared of the dark. The only reason he wore those dark shades was to give people the opposite idea. After all, someone of his power and status should not have any weakness at all, right?

The sound of a match being lit was heard before his eyes focused on the weak flicker of a single candle. Despite darkness that immediately swallowed up the brightness, it was still enough for him to catch two faces.

"Itachi! Sasuke-kun," Ebisu breathed in relief. "What took you guys so long? But thank God you're here. Get me out of this place, please!" He had never been so happy to see the blank, arrogant Uchiha faces. Indeed, even though every Uchiha was a born prodigy, many 'normal' ninja were still very envious of their skills and especially the Sharingan. It was an unfair advantage, and no matter how hard 'normal' ninja worked to catch up, they would never be able to reach the almost god-like status clans like Uchiha and Hyuuga enjoyed over the years.

"Ebisu-san. Jounin special class. Personal tutor to Konohamaru, the grandson of the Sandaime."

"Yes, that's me." The sunglasses wearing jounin nodded in confusion. He was pretty sure that they knew who he was. Heck, he even worked with Itachi a few times in the past when the kid was a chuunin. God, it didn't take too long for one to become snobbish. That was why he hated those good for nothing ANBU, thinking they were always above the other shinobi, when they were the one who always arrived too late to be any help in any kind of emergency situations.

"26 years old male, weight 75kg, blood type A. Born in the year of the rabbit, and horoscope is Aries. Your father died when you were five years old, killed by the Kyuubi. Your mother raised you and your three sisters. You graduated at the bottom of your class, but managed to work your way up into your present position after you could no longer handle the teasing from your peers. After becoming one of the first to attain the chuunin rank in your graduating class, you have set your sights on becoming a shinobi tutor to the rich and famous clans around the village. You are presently working for Sandaime."

Why did they have so much information on him? This felt too much like an interrogation to him… They were there to save him right? His palms were now becoming clammy from the cold sweat. The two pairs of identical unblinking black eyes stared right through him as Itachi read the rest of the information tonelessly.

Too bad Ebisu did not hear know about why and how Hokage-sama sent the Uchiha brothers away on a long mission (he was already drunk by the time the rumor made its way to the bar district).

"Your favorite drink is imported beer from the Village of Sand. Your favorite pass time includes spying on young girls at the local hot springs. You are an avid reader of the Icha Icha series. Your favorite food is cold soba noodles… However, you are known to frequent I-chi-ra-ku Ramen from time to time…"

For some reason, the way Sasuke stressed out the syllables in Ichiraku made Ebisu's heart pound like a hammer against his ribcage. Did the Uchiha siblings hate ramen for some reason? Was the commoner's food too lowly for their pure blood? Did they want to punish everyone who liked the delicious egg noodles and the salty miso soup?!

"Ah, and now we have finally come to the interesting part. According to the owner of Ichiraku, you were one of the luck ten people who were able to purchase a package of the Special Edition: Cherry Flavored Ramen."

"AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

For the second time that evening, Ebisu fell over unconscious when Itachi finished reading the brief report they had gathered.

"Aniki? What did you do to him?" A slightly surprised Sasuke turned to the ANBU; he didn't see Itachi do anything special. Maybe it was one of those 'special' Uchiha techniques that he had yet to learn.

"Ah, Sasuke. I believe you have finally reached the age for me to teach you another Uchiha ninjutsu." The older Uchiha kneeled down to be able to look at his brother in the eye. "It is a secret technique almost as powerful as our Sharingan. Normally, it should be the duty of the clan head to pass down this technique, but since we are in a special situation right now, I don't think that father will be too upset if I teach you instead."

"Really?" An excited Sasuke looked up in admiration. It had been so long since he leaned new jutsu, and if his ANIKI even considered it to be powerful then it must be amazing! "What can be almost as powerful as the Sharingan?"

"Do you really want to know?" Black eyes stared into black eyes in total seriousness.

"Hai." The young genin nodded solemnly, as if to prove that that he was mature enough and responsible enough to handle this new power.

"It is the power of…"

* * *

"So this is what the Sharingan feels like." Uchiha Usagi smiled cruelly at the group of shaking boys, scanning her environment with her new eyes.

The whole group backed away from the blonde girl (who managed to create a whole dark red killing aura in the background for extra effect), the ice cream parlor quickly pulled down the metal fence down, and neighbors moved with ninja efficiency to lock their doors and bar it down with steel against what they could sense as the beginning of a bad, street brawl.

"Let me show you what will happen when you insult a friend of an Uchiha," The sweet, honey dripped words contradicted greatly with the cruel smile and the spinning Sharingan, the silence was only broken by the sound of Usagi cracking her knuckles. "I have always wanted to see the katon jutsu in action. I guess I'll be able to see it today if I use it now, right?"

"Usagi-chan," a small voice stopped the bunny from making the hand seals needed to channel her chakra. "Don't waste your energy on a bunch like them."

"But Naruto-chan." The anger faded a little as Naruto walked up to her calmly, offering a bright smile. "They were so mean to you."

"Don't worry about it, I'm used to it by now." A tanned hand reached out to pat the shinny golden tresses. "I appreciate your feelings, but I won't be a man if I can't take care of myself right?"

"Naruto-chan…" the Uchiha girl whined but then nodded. She understood that he did not want her to get hurt (or get her hands dirty) against a bunch of morons like these boys. Also, she knew that his pride must have stung from their comments earlier; as an Uchiha, she understood the need for revenge in situations like these (and from living with Sasuke and Itachi, she also understood how fragile the male ego was).

"Watch closely, Usagi-chan. You are about to witness the most brilliant ninjutsu ever invented in Konoha!" Naruto smiled confidently. As if sensing what was about to come, the group of boys backed away even more. Usagi watched in fascination as Naruto performed all the hand seals to… "Sexy no Jutsu!"

In a poof of smoke, where Naruto used to stand was instead a curvaceous teenage girl, two streams of blond hair falling to her trim waist in long pigtails, her tanned skin the color of warm mocha, and her large blue eyes winking mischievously at the boys, her naked body covered only by small floating clouds.

Slowly, puddles of blood started to form on the ground, all from nosebleeds as two dozens of eyes stared at the naked blond girl without blinking. Maybe it was the first time they have ever seen an almost naked girl or maybe because Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu looked AWEFULLY like an older version of Usagi, but when the female Naruto blew them a kiss, it was the last straw. All the boys fell over, blood spurting freely from both nostrils.

Another poof of smoke and the naked girl transformed back into Naruto, who turned around and made a victory sign to Usagi's impressed claps.

"How was that, Usagi-chan? Wasn't that the most amazing move ever?! I even beat the old man Hokage with this jutsu back when I was still in the Academy." Naruto grinned sheepishly.

"That was so cool! Can you teach me? Please? I want to beat Sasuke nii-chan with a move like this!" As expected, Usagi was impressed with any move that could take out a mini army. She was an Uchiha, after all. "But… Naruto-chan… Why did your Sexy no Jutsu form look a lot like me?"

It felt like he was suddenly thrown into a pool of ice cold water. Sasuke! Damn it! How could he have forgotten about his over-protective teammate! Gah! He was going to be decapitated for sure now!

"Usagi-chan…" Naruto fell down to his knees weakly in front of the Uchiha girl. "Please, if you value me as a friend at all… Please don't tell either of your onii-chan that I showed you my Sexy no Jutsu." He was close to tears as he thought of all the tings that Sasuke could do to him if he ever found out…and he didn't even want to begin to think about what Itachi would do…

An idea suddenly popped into her head. "Naruto-chan," Usagi all but cooed in a cute evil voice. "If you don't want Sasu-nii and Tachi-nii to find out that I know about your secret jutsu then you'll have to teach me how to use it."

"But…" Why did it turn out like this?! How could he possibly forget that despite her adorableness, Usagi was still an Uchiha at heart (and they all had that mean, evil streak hidden somewhere)? "But I'm sure Usagi-chan will grow up to be a beautiful woman. You won't need something as silly as the Sexy no Jutsu to make men faint; your natural beauty will be more than enough to conquer anyone," he admitted quietly, not liking the idea of a naked Usagi in front of a group of horny men.

"Hehe, who said anything about transforming into a woman?" For a six year old, Usagi had certainly mastered a very good version of the Uchiha smirk. "If Naruto-chan, transforms into a girl with the Sexy no Jutsu, then doesn't it make more sense it I transform into a boy with the Sexy no Jutsu? Plus, now that I have the Sharingan, I have already copied the hand seals. Just tell me about the basic chakra usage, and I'm sure I'll master the jutsu in no time."

Why did he have a VERY bad feeling about this? On the one hand, he could refuse to teach anything to Usagi, let Sasuke and Itachi find out that their imouto saw something indecent in his care, and kill him slowly and painfully. Or he could teach the Sexy no Jutsu to Usagi, and let Sasuke and Itachi find out that their imouto learned something indecent in his care, and kill him slowly and painfully. Or he could not teach Usagi anything, and let the girl find out on her own…but Sasuke and Itachi would still kill him painfully and slowly, because they were sadistically bastards. It did not look like he was going to survive either way.

"O…Okay… I give," a defeated Naruto said as he waved a white flag.

"Yes! I'm going to learn the Sexy no Jutsu!" A joyful Usagi let out an excited cry that could be heard through out the village…

* * *

"It is the power of…" Itachi paused. "Did you hear that?" He turned to Sasuke.

"Hear what?" The younger boy stared at his aniki in confusion.

"I thought I just heard Usagi scream something about Sexy no Jutsu." Itachi paused, but they were deep underground so maybe it was just his imagination…

The genin looked pretty doubtful; even Naruto would not be stupid enough to show something that perverted to their imouto. Despite the lack of common sense, he was pretty sure that the blond idiot still had enough sense to value his life.

"Anyhow, back to what I was saying…"

Sasuke leaned closer, hanging upon every single word Itachi uttered.

"It is the power of the…Uchiha…smile."

TBC...

AN: lol, someone asked me if I was on drugs… a very good question… let me check what my mom puts in my food. Hehe, just kidding, I have in a very loving (albeit dysfunctional family). In the previous chapter, it was Itachi who used the Sexy no jutsu, I'm making the assumption that Sasuke saw Naruto doing the jutsu with his sharingan and shared the information with Itachi. Thanks for reviewing everyone!


	6. Chapter 6

AN: I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! I'm so excited, I think I'll be able to finish this story in one or two more chapters. Thanks to everyone who reviewed! You guys are the best. Last but not least, thanks to Cygnea-chan as usual for checking this chapter too, she's the best!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Chapter 5 

The Uchiha…what? Sasuke stared at his aniki blankly. Was Itachi on something he should know about? The Uchiha smile? What the hell was that? As far as he knew, none of the Uchiha males smiled. God, the last time that his father smiled was…never, and as far as Itachi was concerned the closest thing he had ever given to a smile, if you could call it that, was the crazy murderous grin he saw the ANBU once direct towards a Mist ninja. The only Uchiha he knew who smiled all the time was Usagi, but then again she was an anomaly to begin with. So, he responded with the only thing that came to mind. "Are you nuts?"

"Think about it seriously, Sasuke." Itachi shook his head; maybe it was still too early to teach his otouto this master move. "For a second, I want you to imagine your fan club."

A terrified expression appeared on the young boy's face. Was this really Itachi in front of him? Did some alien abduct his beloved aniki and scrambled up his brains without him noticing? He slowly backed away from the older Uchiha.

"Sasuke!" Reaching out, Itachi gave his otouto a hard shake. "I said imagine! Just for a second, think of how they behave around you normally."

It did not take much imagination to evoke the nightmares that he had to live through everyday. After the fan club was first established, Sasuke quickly learned that he always had to bring a change of clothing with him. Every time he stepped out of the house there were overeager girls who would stop at nothing to get a piece of him, or in some cases, a piece of his clothing (one even gotten away with a lock of his hair once, but, oh, did he make sure his hairdresser paid for selling his hair…). He shuddered; he could almost feel their evil sharp nails against his skin right now. The worst thing was that no matter how much he glared their actions and silly love confessions only intensified. It was like they somehow developed immunity against his glares over time.

"And now, I want you to imagine what would happen if you smiled at them." The words came slowly, one after another, in total seriousness. "Not a grin, not an Uchiha smirk, but a real smile."

Itachi watched as the expression on Sasuke's face as the young boy slowly digested his words. The realization hit the younger Uchiha like an atomic bomb; he could see all of them turning into Inner Sakura. Maybe, maybe if he smiled, it would have the same effect as Naruto's Sexy no Jutsu, but only in reverse since it would only on the females.

"It's actually quite a simple strategy. If you keep depriving everyone of what they want to see the most and then suddenly show it to them at the most unexpected time and place…" Yes, there were many, many curious villagers and shinobi who had always wondered what a normal smiling Uchiha male would look like (Itachi and Sasuke especially). "Haven't you ever wondered why people always stare at us and daydream? In their minds, they are thinking how our faces would look like if we smiled."

"So their brains are momentarily stunned from sensory overload." Sasuke nodded finally.

"Well, we haven't really established the mechanism yet, but yes, something like an overload. That is one of the reasons why we Uchiha males are not encouraged to show our emotions, so that our targets will not get used to that particular expression and develop immunity," Itachi answered gravely, satisfied that Sasuke finally caught on. "This is why all of us have to go through such vigorous facial training in front of the mirror when we are young – to prepare us for this jutsu. So now that I have passed on this piece of wisdom, I trust that you will also add smiling to your daily training. Otou-san and I will be overseeing your development."

"Of course, I'm looking forward to the challenge," the young boy said seriously. "Looks like Ebisu-san is waking up."

"Good, now we can move onto the second part of the interrogation." Having done his part of the interrogation and was no longer required to smile or perform any other unheard of Unchiha secrets, Itachi slipped on his ANBU mask .

* * *

Ebisu slowly, reluctantly, regained his consciousness. He always thought that he was as straight as a stick when it came to his sexual preference, but now he wasn't so sure anymore. He cursed a certain part of his body that reacted spontaneously when he became the target of Itachi's smile. The fainting spell was an embarrassing consequence of all the blood in his body rushing down south (where the specific body part is, I leave to your imagination).

Damn, what a smile! In all of his glorious twenty-five years alive (and ten of those years as a healthy heterosexual adult), he had never, ever seen a smile that was so perfect in all it's sweet sultriness. It was like pure innocent seduction, and the heat of it made all the bones in his body melt and his blood evaporate. This must be another one of those techniques that required a blood limit, but in all his years as a jounin, he had never heard of this particular Uchiha jutsu. It looked like he had severely underestimated these two little punks.

"Glad to see that you're awake again, Ebisu-san," Sasuke said calmly, not bothering to hide the amusement in his voice. He could clearly see the reason of the jounin's distress. "Now we can finally move on to the important part, and the main reason why we brought you here." Itachi leaned against the wall, hiding in the shadows, allowing Sasuke to take control this time. Yes, this was a great opportunity for him to prove to his aniki how much he had grown.

Walking towards one lab tables, he picked up a beaker of clear viscous fluid. The underground base that they were currently in used to be one of the many hideouts Orochimaru used as an experimental lab. Itachi had been in charge of finding those hidden labs a couple of years ago, and therefore it had been no problem for them to break into one and establish it as their temporary base. It was also very well stocked…

"Like I said earlier, it has come to our attention that you are one of those lucky ten who got their hands on Ichiraku's Limited Edition Cherry Flavored Ramen." Black eyes stared at Ebisu through the beaker. "This afternoon, a fool tried to seduce our imouto by giving her a package of that same Cherry Flavored Ramen. Now, seeing your association with Konohamaru, who is Usagi-chan's classmate, your experience with children, and the history of your spying habit at the female hot springs…" He left the dots for the special jounin to connect for himself.

The eyes behind the dark sunglasses became impossibly wide as realization hit him like a ton of bricks. He remembered all too clearly the last time when the Uchiha brothers hunted down Sai. He was just passing by when he saw Sasuke punch the other boy through a wall, and that was only the beginning. Even as a jounin, what he saw was enough to give him nightmares for a month. "IT WAS NOT ME! I SWEAR I WASN'T THE ONE! YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE ME!" There were times that pride took second place to life, and this was such a time. "I'm already an old man, Sasuke-kun! I would never go after someone so young and beautiful!" He realized too late how bad those words sounded, even to his own ears.

"Unfortunately, that's what they all say," Sasuke said darkly. "We have already questioned the other nine people before you, but have come to no satisfactory answer. You are the only one left, therefore…" The genin walked ever closer to the trembling jounin. He held the beaker in one hand, and with the other, he easily caught the kunai Itachi threw him.

"Now, I want to show you something very interesting." The young boy smirked at Ebisu. "This place used to be one of Orochimaru's labs, and I'm sure you are familiar with him and his experiments." He paused briefly before continuing. "Itachi and I were lucky enough that we found this." He held up the clear beaker in front of Ebisu's face. "Now, I think it's concentrated sulfuric acid, but I'm not sure, so I'm going to test to see if I'm right or not." Painfully slow, he dipped the kunai into the beaker.

The heavy iron melted like butter when it made contact with the acid. The metal sizzled and hissed as it disappeared into black goo, and the air was filled with the unmistakable scent of heated iron. Was this what the academy was teaching young kids these days, or did Sasuke manage to get Ibiki to tutor him privately on the arts of torture? Whatever it was, Ebisu found himself turning hot and cold in turns. He had never experienced fear to this degree; he almost wished that Sasuke would just stick a kunai into his heart and be done with it. He had never been good at handling torture, psychological or physical, one of the reasons he became a tutor. The special jounin closed his eyes, trying to get rid of the mental image of what the acid might do to his own body if a drop was accidentally spilled onto him.

As if reading his thoughts, Sasuke's smirk darkened into a carbon copy of Itachi's. "I hate to think what would happen if some of it landed on you, Ebisu-sensei." The pale hand swirled the beaker of acid right above the jounin's groin, the fluid splashed against the rim with every swirl. "I hate to think about all those women who will be so sad if something should happen to you or your body…"

Ebisu paled ten shades lighter. He wouldn't dare! But at the same time, it was Sasuke here, an Uchiha who had the potential to surpass Itachi in all his twisted and sadist behaviors. "I confess! I bought…bought the ramen!" A drop leaked from the beaker, and he continued hurriedly. "But I only bought it for Konohamaru-kun!"

Both Uchiha frowned. Konohamaru? That could be troublesome. Even they would be cautious when it came to a relative of the Hokage. "Why did Konohamaru want the ramen?"

"I overheard the young master say that he wanted to try the ramen because Naruto-kun also bought a package, and he wanted to see what was so good about it," Ebisu explained so fast that the two brothers had to activate their sharingan to read the lip movements. "I only stood in line to buy it for Konohamaru after I was blackmailed by him! You have to believe me! The young master was going to tell Sandaime about my trips to the hot spring! I didn't want to lose my job!" Forgetting the danger he was in momentarily, the jounin bawled out loudly as he remembered how he was bullied by his own students.

"Naruto?" Sasuke frowned. Something didn't add up. "But he wasn't on the list of people who bought the Cherry Flavored Ramen, and the dobe never have any money."

"I heard Konohamaru-kun say that Naruto-kun have been saving money for the Cherry Flavored Ramen for a year and a half now. He probably didn't have to wait in line and buy it like everyone else because he's really close to the owner of Ichiraku," Ebisu said, glad to transfer the anger from him to another person. "I bet the owner of Ichiraku made an exception and made an extra package just for Naruto-kun. After all, he is their best customer."

Itachi and Sasuke looked at each other, thinking of the same thing. Fuck! If what Ebisu said was true then at this very moment their imouto-chan was being looked after by the very person they had been trying to hunt down! Dropping everything, the two Uchiha rushed out the door. The hinges were ripped off as the door was slammed open.

"Hey! Itachi! Sasuke!" Ebisu screamed loudly, having narrowly missed the spilt acid when Sasuke dropped the beaker earlier. "What about me?!"

* * *

"Naruto-chan?"

The boy turned his back when the soft voice whispered his name tiredly. "Yes, Usagi-chan?"

"Thank you for the ice cream, I had so much fun today," the bunny murmured tiredly and hugged Naruto closer. After they finally got to eat their ice cream in peace, Usagi was so impatient to learn the Sexy no Justu that she dragged the blond boy to the empty Academy training ground, where she could learn without being bothered.

She wasn't an Uchiha for nothing, and her newly developed sharningan certainly helped, too. What had taken Konohamaru a good day to master, Usagi was able to perfect in less than an hour. Of course, the fact that she had two beautiful brothers for inspiration didn't hurt either. Most girls would envy her for sure if they only knew that when Usagi was little (and even now) Itachi and Sasuke would take her to the hot spring with them when their okaa-san was too busy.

In her Sexy no Jutsu form, it was almost like looking at an older, blond haired, blue eyed version of Sasuke. Seeing Usagi in her jutsu form almost made his jaw fall off; somehow she was able to make someone as ugly as Sasuke-teme look so sexy. He could only imagine how Sasuke's fan girls would react if they found themselves at the receiving end of Usagi-chan's new jutsu. Poor Sakura-chan, he shook his head as he thought of his teammate. On top of an older blond Sasuke, there was also the fact that Sexy no Jutsu didn't come with clothes either…

"You're welcome, Usagi-chan." He couldn't help but smile as Usagi yawned against his neck. Thank God it was so dark that she couldn't see his red face. He never thought in a hundred years that he would be giving her a piggy back ride, but she was so tired and drained that when Naruto offered, she happily climbed onto his back.

"You smell like grass, Naruto-chan." He almost dropped her when the bunny snuggled her face deeper into his neck. He silently thanked his countless hours of ninja training. "I like the way you smell, it reminds me of okaa-san's garden in the mornings," the little girl murmured sleepily.

"Take a nap, Usagi-chan. I'll wake you up when we get home, okay?"

The only response he got was a snore. He was tired, too – the little girl had so much energy that even he felt drained at the end of the training session – but he had never been so happy before. No one accepted him so easily and innocently. Usagi was the only one beside Iruka-sensei who came to his defense. He was so ready to face rejection again when those boys almost exposed his secret earlier…

He spotted the only lighted house in the Uchiha compound. Obviously Fugaku and Mayumi had been waiting up for them. He suddenly felt very guilty for spending so much time with the little girl, not to mention just a tad afraid of what Fugaku would do with him if the father ever found out that Usagi now knew how to use the Sexy no Jutsu. After all, we are talking about the man who sired Itachi and Sasuke.

"Uchiha-san?" Naruto knocked the door as quietly as possible, trying not to wake up the precious burden he was carrying. The door was opened immediately by an anxious looking Fugaku and Mayumi. Her face instantly relaxed as she saw the sleeping Usagi.

"I'm very sorry for keeping Usagi-chan out so late." He bowed in apology, but the dark haired woman only smiled kindly and elbowed Fugaku, who was currently glaring daggers at the poor boy.

"That's okay, Naruto-san. I'm sure Usagi bullied you into training with her." Like all responsible mothers, she obviously knew her daughter very well. The older man bent down and tried to lift his little daughter, but to the surprise of all three, Usagi frowned in her sleep and clutched Naruto even tighter.

"Oh dear." Mayumi looked at her husband in concern. Even though she found the little action extremely cute, she was worried about what Fugaku might do to the poor boy if she did not intervene soon. "It's already pretty late, Naruto-kun. Why don't you stay over tonight? Since both Itachi and Sasuke are gone, you can sleep in Sasuke's room if you want or the guestroom if you prefer."

It was late and he was tired. Plus, he did promise Sasuke that he would watch over Usagi-chan for him, and the guestroom certainly sounded much more comfortable than camping outside of her room. However, there was only one thing that prevented him from accepting the tempting offer.

"Anata!" Mayumi hissed under her breath as she noticed the scared look Naruto gave her glowering husband. She stumped on his toes discretely, enjoying the flash of pain on his face.

The patriarch of the family quickly grunted in agreement with his wife as he caught 'that' look from her face – the look that said that he was not only sleeping on the kitchen floor for the next two month, but he probably wouldn't be getting any at all either for the rest of the year (and they were only at March).

"Are you sure, Uchiha-san?" Naruto still looked slightly uncertain.

"Of course, sweetheart." Mayumi waved away his concern. "Now, can you do me a favor and carry Usagi-chan back to her room? I'm afraid that she might wake up the entire neighborhood if we take you away from her right now." She winked mischievously at the blushing boy. It was obvious who Usagi after, and it was probably a good thing, too.

* * *

Naruto sighed in pleasure as he sunk into the soft bed after his nice long soak in the furo earlier.

He had followed Mayumi-san to Usagi's room, where it had been a struggle to make the little girl let go of the blond boy. It took a combination of her favorite plushie, Mayumi's singing, and Naruto's coaxing to finally make Usagi relax her hold enough to give Naruto the chance to slip away. After waiting outside for the older woman to change Usagi into her yukata, he had been shown to the guestroom.

There was nothing in the world that could make him sleep in Sasuke's room. Not that he was afraid that his dark haired teammate would kill him, but being surrounded by Sasuke's private and personal things was disturbing enough that he he probably wouldn't have been able to get a wink of sleep. But maybe he should see if there was anything that he could maybe borrow from Sasuke's room, something embarrassing preferably (like a pair of pink bunny boxers or maybe his favorite teddy bear that he never got rid of). It might come in handy as blackmail material (and it could make him lots of money if he sold it to a Sasuke fangirl).

Thank God that he wasn't wearing any of Sasuke's clothes. He probably would never able to wash the bastard's smell off of his skin if he ever came in such close contact. Mayumi had given him a slightly too-large yukata to sleep in, and while it still had the Uchiha fan, at least it was new.

He pulled the thick duvet up to his nose. The night was getting pretty cold and it was so cozy to snuggle under the warm covers. The thought that he was currently sleeping under the same roof as Usagi-chan also warmed him from the inside. Maybe it wasn't so bad looking after Usagi while Sasuke was gone…

A long shadow blocked the pale moonlight. One sleepy blue eye opened slowly as Naruto's shinobi sense kicked in. He suddenly regretted not taking a kunai to bed with him because there was something else in the room…

"Hello, Naruto."

His blood froze in his veins… His head turned stiffly towards the voice. "Sa..Sasuke…"

TBC…


	7. Chapter 7

AN: Okay ladies and gentlemen (if there are any out there reading this fic). This is finally the end! Lol, I'm so happy that it's all finished. Sorry I took so long completing RFL. Life and school became a bit hectic. So Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Year!

Disclaimer: Don't own anything.

Chapter 7

Usagi woke up suddenly, her body jerking into a sitting position, and her fatigue quickly replaced by suspicion as her shinobi senses kicked in. Something was not right. She always listened to her sixth sense, or her woman's intuition, or Uchiha gene, whatever you wanted to call it. It never led her astray. The last time she woke up like this, she had caught Sasuke trying to sneak out of her room with her diary in his hand. No need to emphasize that after that incident, she bobby trapped her room every night before going to bed. Tonight, though, the only thing she could think of was how nice Naruto had smelled.

Naruto! That's right! The bad feeling she was getting came from the direction of the guest room. She quickly pulled off her pink bunny covers and ran lightly across the room on her bare feet, hardly noticing the cold wooden floor in her haste. Her feet were soundless as she padded down the hall, to the last door on the right. Her heart sped up as she recognized two familiar chakra; something that should have been impossible.

The sliding door fell off the track as Usagi pushed it to the side with an unknown strength. The sound of the falling door made a loud bang in the deathly silent house, and would no doubt wake up her parents, but at the moment, she was too busy to care.

"Naruto-chan!" she cried out in fear as she entered the room. Just like she expected, the older boy was far from alone. The blond boy was on his back, both of his arms pinned against the headboard, while her onii-chan used his bodyweight to pin down Naruto's kicking legs.

"Sasuke-nii!" The bunny cried out in shock. "What are you doing to Naruto-chan?"

The boys turned simultaneously towards the intruder, and both of them arrived at the same conclusion upon witnessing the horrified expression on the little girl's face.

"NO! This is not what you think it is, Usa-chan!" The pet name slipped out of Naruto's mouth without him realizing. He could feel Sasuke's grip on him loosen, and judging from the nauseated expression on his face, it looked like the younger Uchiha heir was torn between cutting of his hands (that were touching Naruto) or just drowning himself and getting it over with.

Despite the denial from Naruto, Usagi couldn't stop the sudden images of the yaoi manga Sakura showed her last week from popping into her mind. The two main characters (who looked surprisingly like her Sasuke-nii and Naruto-chan) had been in the exact same position as the two boys in front of her. Only the characters in the book were half naked, panting, sweaty, covered with hickeys, and doing the naughty naughty.

It couldn't be possible… right? That Naruto was in an illicit sexual relationship with her Sasuke-nii-chan?! How long had they been going out? How far had they gotten? And how was it that she never noticed?! Neither Sasuke nor Naruto appeared to her as good actors.

A stabbing pain, worse than when Sasuke accidentally dropped a kunai onto her foot six months ago, pierced her chest. A hand crept up to where the pain was, and she could feel her heart beating against her ribcage. She couldn't tear her eyes away from the two on the bed, even though the longer she looked at them, the worse her pain became.

Her perfect vision became blurry as tears stung her eyes. She would've continued to stand there if a heavy hand hadn't landed on her shoulder. Looking up, she was surprised to see Itachi's red Sharingan in the dark. "Itachi-nii, what's going on here? Why are you too here? Shouldn't you be in the Country of the Waves?"

She never got her answer as the red eyes looked down at her intently. Instantly, Usagi felt exhaustion wash over her as she stared into the rotating tome of Itachi's sharingan. As heavy lids closed over blue eyes, her last thought was, 'Is Itachi-nii also involved in a strange threesome?!?!?!'. The ANBU caught his sister just before she hit the floor.

Seeing Usagi go down renewed Naruto's struggle to break free from Sasuke. This was not the first he had ended up in this position; he lost count of how many times the other boy was able to pin him down after losing a spar. This time was different though, not only because it was the first time anyone confused the animosity as passion between the two rivals, but seeing Usagi collapse in Itachi's arms sparked anger and protectiveness in him that he had never experienced . His limbs filled with renewed strength that he never knew he possessed.

Red sharingan narrowed as the chakra around Naruto changed. Holding Usagi in his arms, Itachi could clearly see the red glow of the chakra that started to surround the younger boy in a protective blanket. This chakra… so different from the blonde's normal chakra, and filled with so much evil, was one that he had never felt. Beneath his careful scrutiny, the whiskered marks on Naruto's face deepened and the wide blue eyes bled red.

"Sasuke! Get away now."

The younger Uchiha looked up in surprise. "Aniki?" Although he noticed the change in Naruto's behavior, he didn't think it was serious a threat. After all, how many times had he defeated his dobe of a teammate in practice?

It was already too late as a clawed hand suddenly grabbed Sasuke's arm. Deftly twisting his body around, Naruto snarled at his shocked teammate before flinging the dark haired boy towards Itachi with a strength that neither knew he possessed.

Silently cursing at Sasuke's foolishness, Itachi shifted Usagi in one arm and leapt to catch Sasuke with the other as his younger brother was sent crashing into him. Taking advantage of Itachi's momentary distraction, Naruto leapt from his crouching position on the bed.

Itachi almost winced when razor sharp nails grazed his bare arm. It took all his training to keep his features as blank, even as blood gushed out from the five deep scratches. The pain, however, caused the ANBU's grip on Usagi to loosen. Cat-like eyes didn't miss the little detail and Naruto took the opportunity to grab Usagi's wrist, stealing her away from Itachi with a gentle tug that went against his fierce looks and actions.

With a neat twist, both Itachi and Naruto landed gracefully on their feet.

"Dobe," Sasuke growled out dangerously as he righted himself and took a step towards the two blondes. "Let her go now." The dark haired boy would have run to reclaim his sister and repeat the mistake if Itachi hadn't grabbed the back of his shirt. The sudden stop to his momentum made the younger boy lose his balance and fall back rather ungracefully onto his bum.

"What in the name of Hell is going on here?!" The booming voice of Uchiha Fugaku halted all action. "Can't a man get some sleep in his own house in the middle of the night anymore?!"

As one, the group turned as one as two new people joined the fray.

Blazing red eyes surveyed the scene and landed on his daughter unconscious in the arms of the Kyuubi kid, before landing on his sons.

"Usagi-chan!" Mayumi exclaimed from behind her husband. Her eyes widened in fear at seeing her daughter's still body. Fugaku did not stop her- but kept his hard gaze on Naruto as his wife moved forward, arms open to take the little girl.

An animalistic growl sounded from Naruto's throat as he stared back defiantly. Mayumi approached slowly and steady. Not a sound was made as she held out her hands, as she would to a wounded puppy. The blonde boy flinched but stayed still as a soft but firm hand finally landed on his head, gently stroking the wild blond spikes. The firey red chakra enveloping Naruto quietly dimmed under the soft touches until it finally died, leaving blue eyes looking up at Mayumi in confusion.

The Uchiha woman smiled down at the young boy and leaned over to place a small kiss on his forehead, before taking her still sleeping daughter from Naruto's grasp. Even unconscious, Usagi whimpered as Naruto's arms fell away. Mayumi smiled at the small whine and bent down to give the same kiss on the girl's brow. A gentle blue chakra passed from the mother to the daughter, and when it died down, thick eyelashs fluttered against the smooth cheeks.

"Okaa-san?" Sleepy blue eyes opened to see a relieved Mayumi. "What's going on?"

"Yes Itachi, I would also like to know why you and Sasuke are still in Konoha and not away on your mission?" Though not as loud as the last time, the question still cut through the room as sharply as a new kunai.

"Sasuke-nii?" All of a sudden the bunny snapped up with renewed energy and anger as the terrifying images she witnessed earlier coming back to haunt her. "Sasuke-nii! I challenge you to a duel for Naruto-chan's hand in marriage!"

Four dark heads and one blonde spun to stare at the determined bunny in shock and well shock. Sasuke did a very impressive impersonation of a drowning gold fish. "Hun?-What?... Hell?" His mouth opened and closed, sputtering the first words that came to his confused mind. Marriage? Naruto?! Two words that should never be mixed together in a sentence, especially with his name. In all of his years, he had never felt so completely lost, did Usagi just speak to him in a different language?

"You heard me! I challenge you to a duel at sunrise, outside of the Uchiha compound, for Naruto-chan's hand in marriage!

"I…"

"We accept."

Before Sasuke could complete his sentence, a heavy hand landed on his shoulder and Itachi answered for him. What the Hell was he supposed to do if he won the duel (he had no doubt that he would). Did that mean he would HAVE to marry Naruto?! Him, Uchiha Sasuke, married to the biggest idiot of the village, not to mention a boy. He would end up as the laughing stock of all the five countries. His entire life flashed before his eyes. Maybe right now would be a good time to commit seppuku, he could already hear Itachi reading his eulogy at the funeral. A hard squeeze made him wince and effectively brought him out of his nightmare. A squeeze that said 'you better win or else…'

Fugaku looked between the fruits of his loins in pride. He had no clue of what the hell was going on, but he was damn proud of the Uchiha-ness his children oozed in handling this situation. "It's settled then. At day break, outside of the Uchiha compound, we will decide Naruto's… err… fate, in a duel between Uchiha Sasuke and Uchiha Usagi. I shall be the referee."

* * *

Sasuke was torn. Normally, when anything threatened his precious imouto's safety, he would be in front of her, protecting her in a heartbeat. But this time, how could he protect her if he was the threat itself? But he was doing this for her own good and safety. He shook his head, for some reason, he felt terribly guilty, even though he was sure he did nothing wrong. It was all Naruto's fault. Damn right. It was that idiot who put this rift between the two siblings. It was the idiot's fault for taking Usagi from her beloved brothers. It was the idiot who was making Sasuke hurt Usagi. It was Naruto. 

"Sasuke."

The boy almost fell from his delicate perch on high tree branch.

"Stop scowling."

A light shake and he was joined by Itachi. "Have you been practicing?"

"Of course I have," the genin answered with an offended sniff and showed the older boy the hand mirror he was holding. "Trust me; this will be the shortest battle in the whole Konoha history." He ended with his usual confident smirk.

"Good, because here they come now."

The two brothers looked down just as the first ray of the sun lit up the dark forest.

Usagi walked ahead, her gait every bit as confident as Sasuke's smirk. She looked cheerful after what happened during the night as she chatted with a nervous looking Naruto. Sasuke couldn't help as his smirk grew, Naruto looked even worse than when he failed the genin exam.

Behind the two sweethearts came Fugaku and Mayumi. The two walked hand in hand in a rare display of public affection, which made Itachi and Sasuke raise their eyebrows in surprise. All this madness with Usagi must be rubbing off on them. The four stopped in the little clearing and looked up expectantly at the two pairs of dark eyes peering down at them.

"Ready when you are Sasuke-nii," Usagi called up with the usual Uchiha arrogance.

Sasuke rolled his eyes in an uncharacteristic response, but who could blame him? His little sister was just so predictable, down to the very expression and tone of voice that he taught her when she was old enough to coo.

The brothers nodded and jumped from the tree, landing without disturbing even the fallen twigs that covered the forest floor.

"So now that we are all here, I shall explain the rules," Fugaku began as he walked, between Usagi and Sasuke. Mayumi took a few steps back to give her children space. Naruto however stood his ground, his fists clenched tightly at his sides. It should have been his fight, not Usagi's. How could he live with himself if she was hurt? It was all his fault.

"In a normal duel between shinobi, it is a fight to the death. But seeing as how both of you are of my blood, your mother will kill me if either of you are hurt," here the man coughed uncomfortably, getting a glare from his wife. "So no weapons today, the outcome of the match will be determined by a single jutsu from both sides. And for the sake of fairness, Sasuke, please choose a jutsu that is on the same level as your sister."

Sasuke smirked to himself. So far, things were going as planned. Even without his father's reminder, he would never hurt his imouto… physically at least.

"Okay, on my count," Fugaku raised his hand. "One, two, three!" The Uchiha senior finished and jumped out of the way.

"Uchiha secret jutsu!"

"Oiroke no Jutsu!"

Even before the huge poof of smoke cleared, everyone's hearts were already dropping out of their bottom ends at the name of Naruto's infamous jutsu.

The smoke finally began to disappear, save for the tiny wisp of cloud… covering Usagi's private bits…

"Sasuke-nii!!!!!!!" A loud squeal woke the birds up from their slumber. "You look so cute with a smile!!!!!!!!!"

Sasuke stood with his smile frozen on his face as a fully naked (save for the cloud) male with his imouto's face and voice pounced on him.

"Now I kind of understand why there are girls who are so obsessed with you. You don't look THAT yucky when you smile properly," The male version of Usagi continued chattering, totally oblivious of her state of undress, or how Sasuke had stopped breathing, or how red her father and Itachi were turning (from rage of course), or how her mother had hearts in her eyes (she couldn't believe that a son…err… a daughter from her could be even more handsome than Itachi and Sasuke).

The only one who was still human colored was Naruto- although that quickly changed as the blood drained out of his face. His instinct told him to run and disappear from the face of the Earth as three pairs of fuming red Sharingan eyes turned to glare at him. However, at the same second, Usagi realized that since Sasuke was kind of knocked out, then the winner must be…

"Yeah! I won! I beat Sasuke-nii!!!" In a poof of smoke, the young girl turned back into her normal, fully clothed self. She finally released her traumatized onii-chan and made a leap towards Naruto.

The blond boy would have sagged under the unexpected force if Mayumi hadn't blocked his fall.

"Naruto-chan! I won! You're mine now! We can get married and we can have babies like otou-san and okaa-san!" Usagi blabbed on happily.

Mayumi chuckled at her daughter's enthusiasm. Uchiha never did things by half. "One thing at a time Usa-chan, one thing at a time." From the way her husband was glaring shurikens (Uchiha glare number five), however, it would be a long time before the two moved beyond hand holding.

Epilogue

People stopped their tasks to turn and stare as the young couple walked down the street. It was a couple like they had never seen before. After all, this would be the first young man who survived the Uchiha brothers, and it just turned out that the lucky young man was the Kyuubi brat.

They were like any other happy, young loves, except for…

"Onii-chan! Can we stop this! It's embarrassing! Everyone is staring at us!" Uchiha Usagi hissed under her breath all the while keeping a happy innocent smile on her face. She had to maintain the Uchiha appearance after all.

"Let them stare, I doubt if they dare to do or say anything," Hard black eyes glared fiercely at the people on the street and everyone quickly looked away in a pretence of normality.

"But do you have to tag along with Naruto-chan and I everywhere?" The bunny cried out in frustration and nearly dropped the larger hand she was holding. "I won the duel, didn't I?"

"Of course you did, or else the dobe wouldn't even be here," Sasuke smirked and stopped his leisurely walk down the street. He tightened his right hand around his imouto's, but dropped the tanned, calloused hand in his left. "Plus, Naruto doesn't mind, right?"

The blond boy grimaced and grunted out an affirmative. "Err… right." He tried desperately to avoid looking at Usagi's direction. There was nothing more he wanted to do than hold Usagi-chan's soft hand in his own, but even though she won the duel… well lets just say that her father and brothers had a very convincing talk with him after the duel, in the basement (torture chamber) under the Uchiha compound (which was rumored to have been the burial ground of a hundred enemy shinobi two hundred years ago.) with some serious consequences if he did not obey.

"But I'm not holding Naruto-chan's hand!" Usagi whined, not carrying if the whole village could hear them, and indeed, it seemed like the whole village had gathered around them.

"Of course you are," Sasuke explained calmly. "You are holding my hand, which is holding Naruto's hand, which is the same as you holding hands with him." He grabbed the two hands again and started towards Ichiraku ramen. If he had his way, the two wouldn't have direct contact for the next ten years…. Even if he had to sleep next to Naruto himself.

The End

AN: Well, that's the end of the long journey everyone. Thank you for sticking with me for so long! Huge thanks to Cygnea-chan, my lovely beta, without whom I would be lost forever.

P.S. Hope no one is offended by the 'Sasuke marrying a boy' comment. It was written as a reflection of Sasuke's horror, not my personal view on yaoi. Hehe I happen to be a huge supporter of Sasu/Naru stories.


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